Nick & Bailey

19. Bailey

His tone makes me sit up and pause the movie. "What is it? What's wrong?"

His mouth is hanging open when he turns to look at me. "I got in. I got in to U of I."

"What?!? Oh my God, that's amazing!"

He moves the computer off his lap, and we both stand at the same time. I pull him into a tight hug, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Nick, I am so happy for you."

"Thanks! Now I just need to figure out a way to pay for it."

Of course. He always has to look at the negative side of things. Instead of just being excited for a minute that he got in, he has to start worrying.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out," I try to reassure him.

He breaks our hug but keeps his hands on my waist. I can see a seriousness taking hold of him. "I have to figure how I can afford this. I'm going to get the email address to Financial Aid right now."

He lets go of me and runs up the stairs, two at a time. I'm still smiling as I watch him go.

I really am so happy for him, but I can't stop this bittersweet feeling in my gut. It's beginning to all seem more real. Ian, Mandy, me, Nick...we're all moving on. Moving away.

Nick's phone rings, making me jump. He must have forgotten it in his excitement. When I look at the screen, I see that it is Ian calling. I don't see the harm in answering if its my own brother.

I touch the green circle. "Hello?"

It takes him a moment to process that he just heard my voice on Nick's phone, and I hear the loud noise of the party in full force.

"Bailey? Why do you have Nick's phone?"

Before I can answer, he continues shouting over the noise, "Whatever. I don't care. Why is he at home? He told Mitzi an hour ago that he was on his way. She's looking for him."

I think for a second. Nick has been here for about forty-five minutes. "I don't know. I'll give him the message," I hang up, annoyed at my brother for no justifiable reason.

I continue to watch the movie by myself, but it's lost all it's humor. My mind is reeling with questions. Nick told Mitzi he would meet her. He was probably going to come home, change, and go to the party. So why didn't he?

He returns awhile later and sits in his original spot. I notice he changed out of his work clothes. "I emailed the financial aid office. Now all I can do is wait to hear back." He's trying to hide the hint of a smile on his face. I wish he would just let himself be happy.

"I answered your phone," I blurt out.

His eyebrows crease together, smile gone. "What? Why?"

"It was only Ian," I explain.

"Oh." He visibly relaxes. "What did he want?"

"He said Mitzi is waiting for you at the party."

"Oh," he says again.

I can't stop myself, I reach my hand out and place it on top of his. "Nick, why didn't you go to party? Why'd you stay here with me?"

He doesn't move his hand. "I don't know. I didn't really want to go."

"Then why'd you tell Mitzi you'd be there?"

He takes a deep breath. "God, Ian's got a big mouth. I guess when I got here and saw you, I realized I'd rather do this."

"Oh." Now it's my turn to say it. I'm surprised by his confession and at a loss for words.

"So can we watch the movie now?" Nick says, changing the subject. "I still haven't seen 'fat guy in a little coat'."

I nod and press play. Still staring at the TV, I try to sound as casual as possible. "So are you and Mitzi...you know...dating or whatever?"

Nick grabs the remote and pauses it again. He turns his body toward me. "Really, Bailey? Am I dating Mitzi? Have you ever seen me date anyone? I don't date."

As I look back, I see that he's being honest. Although I see him hanging all over other girls or vice versa, I've never heard of anyone being his "girlfriend".

"Why not?" I ask before I can stop myself.

He sighs and readjusts his position on the couch. In the process he moves a little closer to me...not that I noticed. "Do you really want the truth?"

"No. I want you to lie," I say sarcastically.

He rolls his eyes. "Okay...well...I don't even know why I'm telling you this..."

"Just spit it out!" The suspense is killing me, plus I don't want him to change his mind before the words come out.

"Okay. I don't date because...no one wants to date me," he says nonchalantly, shrugging one shoulder.

I can't control the bark of laughter that comes out of my mouth. "You can't be serious! Girls at school are constantly talking about you, and, I quote, how 'fuckable' you are. How can you say that no one wants to date you? You're like the most sought after conquest in our school."

"Exactly! I'm a conquest. All these girls want is to rebel against daddy by fucking the bad boy. No one wants to actually...you know...have a relationship...or whatever."

His serious tone instantly makes me feel guilty for laughing. He's trying to seem relaxed and like he doesn't care, but, under the surface, I can see that he's nervous about how I'll react to this. I've never seen him so honest and open before. I've learned in the past two months that he's not actually as tough or emotionless as he wants everyone to believe, but I never expected this kind of vulnerability.

With a mind of its own, my hand reaches up to cup along his jaw, forcing him to look at me, and I slide closer to him so our legs are touching. "Nick, that's not true. I don't know what may have happened in your past to make you think that, but it's just not true. Deep down, you are warm, and kind, and protective, and fiercely loyal. Any one would be lucky to have you."

His face doesn't react to my words, but he places his hand over mine. "I wish I could kiss you right now."