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and then she went forth. her fears in one pocket, insecurities in another. and conquered the world.
∞
I stare ahead of me, the building was tall and it's confidence looks over my anxieties as I have my body being dragged towards it. it's all happening too fast, I find it overwhelming and it made me want to push chaeyoung away, turn around and leave.
"come on!" she urges at my hesitance impatiently. "kibum and minho are inside, everything's prepared! we just need your approval!" she huffed and with another hard tug, we step into the building.
the air is cold in the area, people are rushing in out with tuxedos and pencil skirts. in a way, they all resembled robots to me, walking the same way, handling files and papers in the same manner and even how they spoke and acted.
we go past the receptionist who only nods in acknowledgement before turning back to her computer screen, allowing us through the small gates and to the elevator hall.
the inner decoration was simple, but even then, it also looked outstanding despite its colours of black, grey and white. chaeyoung and I stuff ourselves into a lift, making me embarrassed as people as scurrying and pressing themselves to make space for us.
I don't even have enough to move my head, but chaeyoung has pressed the button to the floor we are supposed to get off on, which even I had no clue which one it was. and it became one of the awkward moments in where I can only cast people clandestine glances, giving them flimsy smiles before looking away.
by the time we arrive on our floor, it had been just me and chaeyoung, and when the doors opened, I find myself scared to step out.
it was really as chaeyoung had told me.
it was all ready. the main colours appeared to be white and an aqua blue, the carpet that was spread forward had small pink roses on the sides and hanging light bulbs which aren't on but their strings are enlaces with green plant stems.
chaeyoung left her hand attached to the doorway of the lift, waiting for me to step out with a knowing smile. I send her way a canny look before stepping forward hesitantly, I could feel the softness of the carpet when I set my foot down on it, lifting my eyes forward and swallowing back a breath.
the carpeted hall was long, and almost perpetual as we walk down. but soon enough, sooner than I expected rather than going on forever, we go into the main room. which marveled me by its size and decor.
on both sides there were white benches, which also had white pillows set upon them. looking all around, everything was so captivating to the eye, despite its simplicity. and it was something I really liked it all, yet at the same time, it gave me a sense of ambiguity.
"chaeng! lisa!" I turn to the side, seeing kibum approaching and shortly trailing behind him was minho. "about time you came, I thought you guys weren't going to come at all."
chaeyoung smiled widely as she goes on her tiptoes to receive a greeting kiss from her husband, but she backed away from him, she gave me a look to which I could only smile back wryly to. "well, there was a bit of traffic." she lies. if traffic meant me trying to go the other direction of the building while she drags me towards it — then sure, there was traffic.
the male laughs. "you guys are here now anyways, that's what matters. what do you think, lisa?" kibum refers to the decoration he arranged.
my eyes analyze the room once more, taking all the details now. it still felt unusual for me, and at the back of my mind, it couldn't help but make me think that here is where my wedding was going to going. my wedding... even in thought, it feels dubious.
"minho was the one who gave me the idea for colours," the male speaks with alacrity, and even sparing a glance towards said person. "I hope you don't mind."
shaking my head, I forbear an unsure smile. "everything is amazing, kibum. this is better than anything I would've imagined for my own wedding." this time, I was the one to turn to minho. "I love the colours, they're very nice."
"I thought you would've liked it simple." my husband says in return with a nod and making his way towards me, having me me feel frayed. "we've also got to see the party room." he states, his arm reaching out for me and I could only stare at it briefly, until realizing he was offering me his arm so he could walk me.
albeit, I took it but hesitance still present in my actions. when I peer toward chaeyoung and kibum who stood not far from us, they're giving me elated looks and nodding their heads.
we go through another sliding door, and revealing another large yet striking space. as much as I did say a small wedding would be good, when looking around and having an estimate of how many people could fit into this room and when taking benches into consideration, the thought of a small wedding went out of the window.
the details in this room were much more outstanding than the other, my thoughts were that it was simply like this because it had been where the guests would be entertaining themselves more. there was even a large thin carpet at the center in which I could only assume it had been a dance floor.
there were tables which bordered around the large carpet and a substancial lustre which hung high above the space. "what do you think?" I heard minho asks amidst my thoughts.
I turn to smile at him before looking towards the room again. "it all looks... beautiful." it really was, yet the word came out incompetent. it came me a blundering feeling to still stand there in the middle of it all, not knowing how my arm weakly tightens around minho's. "many people must be coming to the wedding." mainly to have them see a business pact being officially sealed.
"well, the people from the list we've both made and your father contacted me and he asked if it was possible for us to add a few more people. mainly his and my own business partners." of course he did. "I hope you don't mind." do I have a choice?
"... of course not." I inhale and my body stiffens. "it's like I said, as long as my friends and family are here, I'll be more than happy to comply to anything."
I knew that minho was able to recognise my lie, his actions on how his arm also tightened around my own before loosening had told me so. but he did not say a word of it and we simply moved on from the room.
for the rest of the evening, kibum walked us through the details of it all incessantly, never once stopping for us to have a conversation that was not about the wedding. and minho still let my arm rest onto his and we would seldom glanced at each other, yet not speaking a word toward one another at all.
even when chaeyoung and kibum left, and we were both left alone in the overly large room, we would still let our bodies be close. yet, even then, there was no feeling of any connection. no feeling of comfort or even an emotion, but rather consensual. it didn't feel at all like a husband and wife should feel toward one another, and I could compare it to kibum and chaeyoung yet it was nothing all alike.
my eyes raised to him as we wait for the lift when we finally decide to make our leave, but he does not spare me a glance until the lift arrives. no smiles exchanged, but at that moment, it felt as if we only briefly communicated through stares. and for a moment, we both shared the same emotions.
