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walk with me for a while, I need your company I need your smile
∞
we are becoming friends now, I suppose.
in comparison to the first time we met, and it was only the two of us, I'd have to say that this time, I felt much more relaxed. it wouldn't show on his expression, but our talk had been much more fluid and ongoing. it was going back and forth — we would ask questions to know about each other.
he was trying, and I felt guilty for thinking otherwise. this is also hard for him, I remember those words, of course it's not only me.
during our small date, he had received a call from work, when he was done, I told him there's no need to stay with me and he apologised before going.
I walk across the campus, looking to go into the building where I'd be meeting up with chaeyoung, she finally messaged me and I had been worried about her, if she was feeling better.
when I approach the music room, a smile tugs the corner of my cheeks when stopping, appreciating the music notes that would make their way into my ears that left from the familiar guitar strings my best friend would always love to play.
chaeyoung is an amazing guitarist — and singer. I remember when she was a art of the choir in the church community we would go to in our middle school and high school days, it would always make me happy to hear her both sing and play.
pushing the door open gently, I peak my head through to see her playing while looking down at her notebook for the notes she'd make, her eyes wee full of focus and for a moment, I would've thought it was better to leave her in her own world.
"chaeng?" I call out to her. her hands stop strumming and her eyes look up, they move around the room before finally meeting mine, and she smiles widely and warmly when seeing standing there. "I hope I'm not interrupting your music." I joke before stepping into the room completely.
"nonsense," she giggles while placing her guitar down into its bed, "it feels like it's been ages, I'm sorry for neglecting you." the girl stands up from her seat and comes to me with her arms wide open, waiting for an embrace.
I shook my head when having our bodies gently crash onto each other, hugging her tightly and she did the same. "nonsense," I repeat her word softly, "I just hope you're feeling better."
chaeyoung breathes out a 'no', we separate from each other briefly. "I'm feeling much better, thanks to you who came to me, and kibum also took care of me." we both take a seat on the nearby chairs. "but forget me, how have you been? any progress with mister minho?" she smiled softly but knowingly.
my cheeks flush slightly, I felt it, but I nod my head. "I feel like we've become closer and..." I need to tell her the news. "our wedding... it's been moved to a closer date."
her eyes widen in surprise, her hands reach for mine and I look down, the pang of sadness I'd been fearing finally making its way into my chest. "possibly by the middle of next month."
silence followed into the room, settling among us. chaeyoung was the only person who knew how big my fear of this was, she was possibly the only one who felt most sorry for me, too. but, by now, just one thing had bothered me greatly.
minho's relationship with someone else. and the other person themselves who took part in it, who didn't seem to care at all about all this.
chaeyoung sighes, "oh, lisa," she pulls me into a hug, my head nestling itself into the crook of her neck. "I'm sure everything will turn out fine, soon, your relationship with him will blossom into a true one." I could only hope for that to happen, but I couldn't be certain.
my worries keep repeating themselves and I find myself clinging to chaeyoung. "if things don't go well..." I whisper, "will you be there for me?" this female was by far the only person I could feel free to rely on, the only one who would catch me if I fell.
chaeyoung chuckles back a soft, "of course," her hands running through my hair, "why wouldn't I be?" I shook my head and became quiet.
∝
at the end of the day, we were simply taking a stroll along the university campus, the wind was gently hitting us and the skies darkening themselves into night. soon, we would both have to go, chaeyoung back to her husband and I, back to my home.
we would talk about what she had been missing for the past days, me buying my wedding dress, and also the venue that minho and I had discussed about earlier on in the day. and especially, the arrangements for my wedding.
who would be my bridesmaids, I'd already decided, I told that it might not be a really small wedding, and how I'd want to pay kibum for his help. though of course, chaeyoung would disagree with me, but I still insisted.
eventually, chaeyoung took a cab home, and I did the same a little later on. while sat, looking outside, I couldn't help but have my thoughts drift to unthinkable thoughts.
as much as it was impossible to happen — what if I really did fall in love with such a man, as minho?
I couldn't see myself, nor him, falling in love with each other. he was the opposite of what I was, and I was the opposite of him, two poles that could never be attracted to each other.
I chuckle softly to myself, feeling the smile spread along my cheeks, but that never meant we could be friends at all.
this was a marriage arrangement, not a contract of love. I would make it clear for him, he would be still able to be with who wants, if he requested for it, I wouldn't devote myself to anyone else, but I'd still want to search for my own love.
