Whispered (on hold)

Prologue

I'm not really good with words so I thought I'd give you ones that I had already written.

sept. 19
hey, it's Kai. i mean obviously. i really don't know what to write. ms. mccain thought that writing this would be good for me. it's not like i'll ever be giving this to you. anyway, i guess i'm supposed to talk to you, well write, because you were the first person that i thought of when ms. mccain asked me to think about someone that cared about me to write to everyday, like a journal entry. someone that wasn't my father. and it was you. of course it was you. even now, while i ignore you or avoid you, you still walk me to class and wait for me at lunch. it's weird. at least i think it is, not really sure what normal teenagers do anymore. i'm supposed to thank you for things that youve done for me and honestly? i don't know where to beginning. you are honestly too good for me. most people steer clear of me, even people that knew me from before. but you've always been there. i used to asked myself why, sometimes i still do. but i've just equated it to the kind of person that you are. i wish that i could be more like you. so kindhearted, generous, thoughtful. amazing all around. i know you can't tell but i am very nervous for some reason. I'm having a pretty good day. no one touched me and you said that you liked my hairstyle. i thanked you mentally. and one day, I'll do it out loud. hopefully, you'll still care about me then.

oct. 9
i don't really write in this as much as I should. i do about once a week. ms. mccain said that she'll check to see if i am actually doing it so i guess i have to do it more now. hmmm. today was okay as well. i got lost on the way to my new class and you helped me find my say, even though it made you late. i appreciated it, it was sweet. i'd expect nothing else from you tho. a total gentleman.

dec. 30
today was the anniversary of my mom's death. you remembered that. you wore a pink shirt. I don't know if you know that i notcied but i did. and once again, i wanted to thank you. i started to walk over do you at one point but i lost my confidence mid-way and hid in a hallway until the bell rang. it confuses me that you still pay attention to me, that you still care. i wonder about it a lot. and i'm never sure if the feelings that i have for you are the same as the ones that you have for me because i don't know what it's supposed to feel like. as you know, my love map is pretty messed up.

feb. 29
i had a really bad day today. and i've brought myself back to this book because i don't want to be doing something else, something worse. you got me a birthday gift. some art materials. you remembered that i liked to draw. that gift was the only thing that kept me sane throughout the day. the note that i found had messed me up. but somehow, you made it better. you always find a way to make it better.

This hasn't changed. You always find a way to make it better. Whether it's walking me to class or offering me a ride to school, you've been such an important part of my life and I don't know how to thank you. The least I can do is say it and I will. But until then this thank you will have to do.

Thank you August for all the love and support that you have given me, for staying by my side and I'm sorry for the pain that I caused you. I know that you took what happened to me to heart and I wanted you to know that it wasn't your fault and that you shouldn't blame yourself. I know that you do and I can't let you do that anymore. So stop it and instead spend that time, I don't know, doing something better. Because you deserve better.

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Happy New Year!

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1/1/2020