Little blobs of literally nothing, except for part 13

Will you be my warmth?

It was the weaning hours of a white Christmas night, as the snow freezing to the touch, but so beautiful to the eyes, blew it's cool winter air through the city. There I watched as the snow fall covered the world in a beautiful blanket of white. Although the city was being frozen over, it's residents were far from cold. For they created their own warmth, warmth they called joy, and happiness. Their warmth filled the city streets. It was like it passed from person to person, touching all they did, making it seem as if the world was made out of joy. As happy as the world was this night the only joy I held was the fleeting light of the cigarette hanging from my mouth. I continued to watch the bustling city, as they smiled and laughed, enjoying themselves and others. I decided to join the mass within the streets in an attempt to catch their joy. Walking the dense streets I continued to observe. Couples held hands, laughed and kissed. Families out with their children with the biggest smiles I've ever seen. Those alone I expected to be like me, wondering the streets aimlessly, but they too had their own joy and warmth. Even alone they walked with their heads up high, smiling to themselves. Everyone was enjoying themselves, even though that was a good thing I had hoped to find others as down as me. I knew it was unfair of me to desire that, especially since I could only blame myself for how I felt. It was just so frustrating to watch, all the things I could've had. I stopped unwilling to press on, more and more frustrated with my self. Tears slowly moved down my face, I wanted it too, my warmth, my joy. My legs began to move as if it had a mind of it's own, everything around me became a blur. A gust of wind hit me cooler than any before it, but I could feel me heating up. I searched the places of my memories, hoping to find it even though I knew my search was futile. Still I searched far and wide, until I couldn't breath because it had to be this Christmas night. It couldn't wait any longer. I need her, I need to tell her. I called and sent texts but no one responded, which was to be expected. I finally found her, standing outside all alone in the falling snow, warming her hands with her breath. I ran to her, practically falling over myself. Before I knew it, before she noticed me. It left my mouth, raspy, rough, and painful.
"I LOVE YOU!"
I was less then ten feet from this bewildered girl, face down panting with my hands on my knees attempting to keep my worn body from falling. Through the heavy attempts to catch everything I lost in the search i told her over and over.
"I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you and I'm sorry"
I didn't have the strength to look up at her, but I kept on telling her all the things I meant to say, and all the things I couldn't say before. By the time I looked up she was gone, I had no idea I had been talking to myself but it's what I deserved, I didn't deserve a second chance. Although my heart was aching far more then before, my stomach was just about ready to to show the world what was in it, and my throat felt like I swallowed blades I didn't regret it. Even if it wasn't all heard, even if she doesn't give it a second thought. I'm glad I came. I fell back into the snow with no strength in my body nor the will to fight on. Alone just as I began this day. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the fleeting warmth of my body. By the time I opened my eyes there was the girl I ran all over town for standing above me with two cups in her hands
"Ah so, you're alive? Totally thought you were dying with how you were acting"
And then it was my turn to be bewildered. I tried but words would no longer form. As always though she knew what I wanted to say.
"I left because all you could get out was 'I love you' I couldn't understand anything else you said. You were out of breath so I brought water but it's also freezing out here so I brought you hot chocolate as well."
Taking the water and downing it instantly, it was much colder then the air around me. This time I looked up at her
"Out of all the places to be why some empty street in front of an old apartment complex?"
She gave me the 'really?' Look and sighed.
"I think you need to do a lot more explaining than me, but I was at a Christmas party that got too drunk and wild for my liking so I came out here and watched the snow fall. So what's your story?"
I smiled.
"I love you, and I couldn't stand myself anymore that's my story"
She handed me the hot chocolate.
"Here I'm tired of holding this, so what are you here to win me back or something like that?"
I thought and thought, everything I've said and down has been out of impulse. I also never expected to actually find her, and now I'm sitting here like an idiot. Though I've always been an idiot.
"Well... winning you back would be ama..."
Before I could go on she said something that made my heart race faster than when I was running.
"Sure"
I was flustered,
"Sure? Does that mean? Like!?"
She sighed and smiled.
"Sure means Sure, you have me so on and so on. Now we have like an hour left of Christmas and honestly it's sucked so far, so make it amazing. Save what you have to say until after. Make my days amazing like you used to."
I was utterly speechless. She went on to explain a bit.
"Look, I tried to forget you, to find someone else. To hate you and so forth but I couldn't, and I hate it I hate it so much but I love you. Through the yelling through the tears I loved you and even right now I love you. So show me the one I love you and you'll have me all to yourself. You can get on your knees and beg for my forgiveness after Christmas. So for now take my hand and make me feel that amazing way that I only feel when I'm with you!"
I got up still a bit wobbly. I took her hand and finished the hot chocolate in a gulp that I would come to greatly regret. I pulled her into my arms.
"Once again I love you and I'm sorry, let's hit everything that's still open!"
She chuckled.
"Christmas will be over before we reach anything, and I love you too. Npby the way what made you come down this street?"
Guiding her down the street hand in hand I laughed.
"Intuition I guess? But say will you warm me up tonight?"
She squeezed my hand hard.
"I'm not going to sleep with you just because you came back and no amount of apologizing will get me in bed with you tonight!"
Once agin I laughed this time slightly in pain.
"I didn't mean that, I meant will you warm my heart."
She outed a bit.
"Aren't I already doing that? Or are you saying I've lost my charm?"
We both laughed. She was right she had warmed me plenty, I was now one of the bumbling fools with a smile larger than my face. I found my warmth, my love and happiness. Though in the end she wouldn't let me kiss her cause all we did was get together and walk down a street for Christmas. I ended up on my knees begging for forgiveness. But in the end she was my happy ever after. And I can only hope to god I'm hers.
(Starts writing and then stops, basically half a year later finishes writing it with no idea what I was originally going for. And although romance is my favorite genre to read I'm horrible at writing it but I hope at least one person out there can at least somewhat enjoy it. If not I hope to be better for next time)