As Darkness Falls

22

Zoe led Sara through the lounge, and back into the hall.

Sara suddenly realized that Zoe was hugging herself as she walked. Zoe hadn’t been earlier, while they were at the table, but she suddenly was now. Sara was worried. She wondered what had happened, what had changed, and hoped it wasn’t her bickering with Dean.

“Was that too much?” Sara said quietly. “Me and Dean?”

“You were fine,” Zoe said, but she seemed distracted.

“Hey,” Sara said, hoping to try and stop Zoe, to make her talk, but Zoe kept walking down the hall.

“I’m fine too,” Zoe said, over her shoulder.

“Are you sure?”

Zoe nodded. “We’ll talk later,” she said. “I’m fine for now.”

“Okay,” Sara said, uncertainly.

“Faith seems to like you,” Zoe said, obviously changing the subject, Sara thought. “So that’s good, I suppose.”

“It must run in the family,” Sara said.

She was trying to be silly, to cheer Zoe up, but Zoe seemed not to understand. She stopped and looked at Sara, confused.

“Don’t worry,” Sara said. “Never mind.”

Zoe nodded, and started walking again. She was walking slowly. She was looking around. She was looking at the pictures on the wall, old family photos of everyone, Sara thought. They went down the hallway a little further, and the further they went, the more Zoe hugged herself.

Zoe was looking at the photos, and into the rooms, and suddenly she seemed reluctant to be there.

Sara watched Zoe, wondering why, wondering how upset Zoe really was.

Sara watched, and thought, and suddenly realised what might be wrong, and she couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid.

The hallway led to bedrooms as well as the bathroom, like the hallway did in most old houses. Sara could see beds in the rooms they were passing, and the house wasn’t especially big, so this was probably where all the bedrooms were.

Sara remembered the movie Zoe had showed her. She thought of what had happened to Zoe in that movie, what had happened to Zoe in bedrooms in this house. Those bedrooms were here, in the hallway they were standing in, which meant they were horribly close to rooms which had terrible memories for Zoe.

Sara stopped. She stopped, and caught Zoe’s arm and said, “Hey, I’ll be okay on my own.”

Zoe looked at her, puzzled.

“I’ll find it on my own,” Sara said. “You go talk to everyone.”

“What’s wrong?”

Sara hesitated, then wondered if she’d misunderstood. If she had, and Zoe wasn’t remembering awful things, then Sara didn’t want to say anything to remind her.

Zoe stood there, looking at Sara, and seemed to see something in Sara’s expression. She glanced around, glanced down the hall.

“Oh,” Zoe said. She hugged herself very tightly and looked at Sara and said, “Yeah. Of course. But not really, not like that. Not like you’re thinking. It was a long time ago.”

Sara hugged Zoe quickly. Zoe was still and stiff in her arms as she did. Sara touched Zoe’s face, gently, and said, “I love you.”

“I know.”

“Are you okay?” Sara said.

Zoe stood there for long moment, looking away from Sara. Looking at nothing particular, Sara thought, just not at Sara.

“The places don’t matter,” Zoe said suddenly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it isn’t like that.”

Sara nodded. She had no idea what to say, so she said the first thing that occurred to her. “Which room was yours?” she said.

As soon as she had, she knew it was wrong.

She felt stupid. She felt shallow. She wondered if that was an awful thing to even want to know.

Zoe seemed surprised too. She looked at Sara, puzzled.

“Sorry,” Sara said quickly. “Forget that. Forget I asked. I seem to ask stupid shit when I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t worry,” Zoe said. “It’s fine.”

“Like I did outside that school,” Sara said.

Zoe looked at her, and didn’t seem to remember.

“I suddenly asked if you’d gone there,” Sara said.

“Oh yeah. But it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry, that’s all. I should think more first.”

“It’s fine,” Zoe said again.

Zoe kept looking at Sara. She seemed to be thinking.

“Did you mean which room was mine?” Zoe said suddenly. “Or which did it happen in?”

Sara didn’t answer. She couldn’t answer a question like that. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. She stood there, helpless, horrified how frighteningly normal Zoe made it sound.

“It happened in all of them,” Zoe said. “That’s all. Pretty much in all of them. Since you asked. And mine was the left-hand one on the end. Since you asked that too.”

Sara was so horrified she couldn’t think. She said the obvious, stupid thing again. “Can I have a look?”

Zoe shrugged.

“Is that okay?” Sara said.

“Why?” Zoe said.

“I don’t know. I just want to look.”

Zoe kept looking at her.

“I don’t know,” Sara said. “I won’t if you’d rather I don’t.”

“I don’t mind. I’m just not sure why.”

“It’s what people do, isn’t it?” Sara said. “Look at your girlfriend’s old bedroom and think fond stuff.”

“I suppose,” Zoe said. “I mean, I never have. But I suppose.”

“So can I?”

Zoe shrugged again.

Sara looked at her, and felt utterly out of her depth. She felt shallow, and clumsy, and like she was making everything worse. She wished she knew the right things to say, but she never quite seemed to. She stood there, looking at Zoe, looking at the way Zoe was just standing there. She thought about this hallway, and memories, and how upset Zoe might actually be right now, despite that she seemed to be coping.

She was utterly out of her depth.