As Darkness Falls

9

Several more days passed, and Zoe still didn’t seem ready to talk, or decide, or whatever it was she was meant to be doing. Her father had been released, and must be out of prison by now, but Zoe didn’t seem to want to talk about it. She kept acting as though nothing had changed.

Sara made herself be patient. She made herself wait. It wasn’t for her to decide the timing of anything, she reminded herself. It wasn’t for her at all. Zoe would talk, or ask for help, or whatever she needed to do when she was ready. When she had decided what she wanted. Until then, Sara would wait.

Sara waited. She waited several days, and began to wonder if Zoe had decided to just forget everything, to let it all go, to get on with her life and forget her past. She almost wondered if Zoe had simply had some kind of very odd response to a shock when the letter arrived, and had blurted out a plan for murder without quite meaning it. And that then, once Zoe had, somehow that had made her feel safer, and once she felt safer she’d also felt slightly embarrassed she’d said what she did in the first place, and therefore unwilling to talk about it any more.

Sara wondered that was what had happened, or something like that, at least. She wanted to hope so, and she almost thought it had. Slowly, as Zoe didn’t talk any more, Sara began to believe that was the case. She was relieved, and quite pleased. She was almost starting to forget it all herself.

She almost forgot. She almost did. Then, a few nights later, everything changed.

Zoe hung up on a phone call.

They were both at Zoe’s place, in the lounge, watching TV together. The phone rang, and Zoe glanced over at it to see the number that was calling. She glanced, then looked again, and then hugged herself with one arm, and reached over and pushed the hang-up button to stop it ringing with the other.

Sara watched.

Zoe was hugging herself, and Zoe had caller ID.

Of course Zoe had caller ID, Sara thought, and suddenly understood why.

“Are you okay?” Sara said.

Zoe nodded, and kept staring at the TV screen. She was trying to disregard the phone, Sara thought, but kept glancing at it all the same. She was hugging herself more tightly, too. There were difference in Zoe’s hugs, differences which weren’t especially obvious without watching her carefully. Sara usually watched quite carefully, and Zoe was hugging herself more desperately than usual.

Sara didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to hug Zoe and upset her by touching her, and she didn’t want to say something, either, not until Zoe had said something first. In the end, she just sat there. They both sat there. They watched TV in silence.

The phone rang again, and Zoe hung up again without answering.

“My mother,” Zoe said, and kept hugging herself.

Sara looked at her for a while, wondering if she should ask. In the end she did. “Your actual mother?”

Zoe nodded.

“Oh,” Sara said. In all their time together, Zoe had never spoken to any of her family, as far as Sara knew.

“You checked up, right?” Zoe said.

“Checked up?”

Zoe looked at Sara. Bored, slightly annoyed. “You did cop shit and found out about me.”

Sara looked at Zoe for a moment, and then nodded. “Not much, just…”

“Enough?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care. I assumed. I just wanted to make sure you had so I don’t think you know things you don’t.”

“I did. I know.”

“Well, my actual mother.”

“What are you going to do?” Sara said.

“I don’t know.”

“I mean, about everything.” Sara hesitated, then asked what she really meant. “About what we talked about the other night.”

“I knew what you meant,” Zoe said.

“So…?”

Zoe didn’t look at her. “I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe nothing.”

Sara nodded, and reached over, and took Zoe’s hand. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was almost relieved to hear that.