As Darkness Falls

19

“We were about to have lunch,” Mary said to Zoe. “We were just waiting for you.”

“Oh,” Zoe said, and looked at Sara.

“Would you like to stay?” Mary said. “Both of you?”

Zoe kept looking at Sara, and Sara wasn’t sure what that look meant. She decided it must be Zoe asking if Sara wanted to. Sara wasn’t sure why Zoe would check with her, rather than just deciding for them both, but Zoe seemed to be, so she said, “If you like,” to Zoe.

It seemed a little rude to Mary, to be deciding right in front of her, but Sara didn’t especially mind if they needed to be rude in order to each make sure the other was okay.

“Are you sure?” Zoe said to Sara, which was fairly rude as well.

“If you’d like to,” Sara said. “It’s up to you.”

Zoe nodded. “Is it a nuisance?” she said to Mary.

“None at all.”

Zoe thought. “Do you want us to?” she said to Mary.

Mary seemed surprised. “Well, of course.”

“Do you really?” Zoe said. “You don’t have to be polite.”

“Of course we do. We all do.”

“Then yes,” Zoe said. “Thank you.”

Mary seemed pleased.

Everyone started moving, apparently going through into the kitchen. There seemed to be two ways to get there, through the lounge or down the hallway. Zoe went off down the hall, almost as if by habit, and Sara followed her. They got to the kitchen at the same time as everyone else.

The kitchen looked like the rest of the house. There were more frilly things on the walls, and magnets on the fridge with inspirational sayings, too. There was an old, boxy computer in a corner, one so old it might be from when Zoe had lived here. It was in the kitchen, though, Sara thought nastily, so at least they’d worried about keeping the kids safe from internet predators.

She stood there for a moment, looking at the computer, and decided she really ought to check Robert’s release conditions, and see if he was allowed access to computers. He probably was, since he’d only molested his own children, but he’d also been trading videos, so she might as well check.

“Hey,” Zoe said, and touched Sara’s arm, and Sara realized she had been staring. She looked away quickly. She didn’t want Zoe wondering why, especially not right now.

Zoe pointed to a table in the corner, and Sara nodded. They both went over to sit down.

Sitting down caused some confusion. People obviously had their usual seats, where they expected to sit now, and those seats had equally obviously changed since Zoe had last lived here, which no-one had thought of. Zoe went to a chair in one corner, apparently by habit, like walking off down the hall. She went towards it, and seemed to cut Beth’s boyfriend off, and everyone suddenly realized why, right as she did it, all except her.

Everyone else stopped, and let Zoe go first, which Sara was grateful for.

Zoe took the chair she’d been heading for, possibly without noticing what had happened. Zoe took that chair, and Sara took the one next to her, being pretty pushy about that, and grabbing it almost out of Beth’s hand. Then, once Zoe had Sara had sat down, everyone else fit in around them. Everyone else sat down, with a scraping of chairs. Mary carefully sat on the other side of Zoe from Sara.

“We should give thanks,” Beth said loudly.

Sara got confused again. She looked at Mary, and was about to say thanks for making the lunch, when Zoe said, “Is that okay?”

Sara looked at Zoe.

“Is that okay?” Zoe said again, to Sara. “It means they’ll pray.”

“Pray?” Sara said, a bit stupidly. She was actually surprised for a moment. She hadn’t thought of that.

“Yep,” Zoe said. “Like talk to god.”

“Oh,” Sara said.

Zoe was teasing. Sara could tell that Zoe was, that she was making herself not smile, but she wasn’t completely sure that Zoe’s family realized.

“Is it okay with you?” Zoe said to Sara.

Sara looked at Zoe, unsure what to say. She wasn’t even sure why Zoe was asking. Sara didn’t care about people praying around her, and she was sure Zoe knew that. She got prayed at on community outreach sometimes, and when she’d started in the police had sworn an oath rather than an affirmation because she hadn’t cared enough to find out the difference. Zoe knew, because they’d talked about it a few times, so Sara assumed Zoe was making some point to her family, although she didn’t know what.

She also wasn’t sure what Zoe wanted her to do, or how confrontational Zoe actually wanted her to be. She looked at Zoe for a moment, and didn’t get any hints, so she decided just to be polite.

“I don’t mind,” she said. “Just do what you usually do.”

She said that because it seemed simplest, but Zoe’s family all looked at each other as if it was wrong. They didn’t approve of something, Sara thought, and although they weren’t actually saying so, it was presumably Sara not being excited about the prayers. That was a little odd, Sara thought, and slightly irritating too, but she hoped Zoe’s point was taken, whatever it was, and also hoped she’d done the right thing.

Prayers seemed to mean everyone holding hands. Zoe was beside Sara, and Faith was on Sara’s other side. Faith held her hand out, and seemed to be about to take Sara’s hand, and Sara almost let her. It had almost happened before Sara realized. Then Sara thought about Zoe, and Zoe wanting feelings not spared, and how Sara might already have been more conciliatory than Zoe wanted. Sara kept her arms folded instead, and pretended not to know what to do.

Faith hesitated, then left her hand extended, so there was a gap in the circle around the table where Sara was. They all closed their eyes and looked downwards, all except Zoe. Zoe looked at Sara, and smiled, and put her hand on Sara’s leg.

Sara decided that meant this wasn’t so formal that they couldn’t touch, so she put her hand over Zoe’s, and squeezed slightly. Zoe grinned, and squeezed back.

Beth prayed. Praying was Beth making a speech, and everyone else sitting quietly, listening, which wasn’t how Sara had thought this worked. She’d expected something to be recited, something quick, and then that was that, all done. Instead it was Beth talking, apparently making it up as she went. Beth said thank you for the food, and that they were glad people had come home, and then she started on a list of favours she needed, help for some sick people, and also for someone with exams, and, Sara thought, help for a broken-down car.

Sara hadn’t realized god fixed cars. She sat there, a little confused.

Beth kept talking, and Sara got more confused. There was a kind of code to what words meant, and it wasn’t really an organized speech either. It was disorganized, and ideas went backwards and forwards, and it was more like listening to half a phone conversation. It seemed a little unplanned, Sara thought. Beth kept saying lord when she needed to think, the way most people would just say um. After a while, Sara stopped listening. It felt slightly too intrusive to be listening to what other people said to god, and not any of her business, either.

She sat, and didn’t listen, and then they all suddenly said amen. Sara glanced around, and realised she’d missed whatever the hint was they were about to finish.

They all opened their eyes, and looked at each other. They all seemed to be ready to eat.