As Darkness Falls

1

There was something dark inside Zoe. Sara had known that for as long as they’d been together. Something dark and terrible and usually so well hidden that no-one except Sara ever noticed.

There were a dozen small things which told Sara of the darkness. Tiny, forgettable things only someone very close to Zoe would see. Zoe flinched a little too often. She jumped at loud noises. Sara had to be careful to open and close doors gently, and also to make noise in the hall before she went into a room, to give Zoe some kind of warning. Zoe smoked, when no-one else still smoked, and she was moody as well, easily distracted, and she sometimes forgot she was talking to people, even in the middle of conversations. She had been a cutter once too, Sara thought. There were very faint scars on her wrists and thighs that only showed in bright light, and which Sara pretended not to see. Most of all, when Zoe wasn’t thinking about anything particular, she wrapped her arms around herself and hugged her ribs. Not just crossing her arms, and not just folding them, but hugging herself tight, as if trying to keep herself safe. And she didn’t let strangers touch her, either, not even to shake hands. When someone tried, she just stood there with her arms crossed or in her pockets, and waited until the hands that wanted shaking went away.

There was something wrong, Sara knew, but Zoe never talked about what. Sara had asked, early on, and Zoe had just ignored the question. Zoe had a habit of doing that, of simply ignoring things she didn’t want to hear. Zoe had ignored her, and when Sara had asked again, Zoe ignored her then too. After that Sara left it alone. She didn’t want to insist. She’d tried, and apparently Zoe didn’t want to tell her, and that was entirely Zoe’s choice.

Sara had decided it was bad, but not very bad. Not so bad it absolutely had to be dealt with. Zoe didn’t have nightmares, as far as Sara knew. Zoe wasn’t a shut-in, and didn’t drink too much, or do anything else especially harmful. She lived, and coped, and so Sara decided to leave Zoe be, and didn’t keep on asking. She half-assumed Zoe had been attacked at some point, or perhaps had survived an abusive relationship, but she didn’t want to ask if Zoe didn’t want to tell her yet. She would wait until Zoe was ready.

She wondered though. Especially, she wondered how much her job had to do with Zoe wanting to be with her.

Sara was a senior constable with the New South Wales police, and they had met when Sara was on the job, and in uniform. She had attended a break-in at Zoe’s workplace and spent a few minutes taking Zoe’s statement. The statement was a waste of time. All of the statements were. Everyone had gone home hours before, so no-one had seen a thing, and that was always how these after-hours office burglaries were.

Sara had noticed Zoe, though, and remembered her, and apparently Zoe had noticed Sara as well. They had seen each other again, a week later in a bar, and had gone home together and everything had gone from there. They were good couple. They fit with each other well. They had been together for seven months, and Sara loved Zoe more than she had anyone before. Zoe was deep and intense and passionate, for that all she was dark and a little broken too.

Zoe was intense and passionate, and she was beautiful, as well. She was model beautiful. She could have had anyone in the world she wanted, and she wanted Sara, and sometimes Sara wondered why. Sara wondered, but actually thought she knew. It was the uniform, Sara suspected. Her uniform, which was a shield against all the evil in the world. Her uniform meant something to Zoe, and that was why Zoe had first noticed her, and thinking about that made Sara wonder more about Zoe more, too. Sara didn’t want to pry, but she couldn’t help wondering. Wondering, and quietly worrying as well, hoping that Zoe was all right. She never asked again, though. She wasn’t going to insist on a conversation Zoe didn’t want, or push too hard, or do anything that might upset Zoe.

She wondered, and worried, and then one day Zoe told her, and it was far worse than she had ever imagined.