Chim - Don't Help Me

Chapter 29

It's been four days, and as I look around my apartment I realise that everything has changed. I'm standing by the doorway, looking at all the modern yet homely furnishings around me, and still somehow I'm uncomfortable. Because she's standing next to me.

And I can tell she's not comfortable either, standing with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her jeans, pointing her head down at the hard timber floors. It's almost like the first time she was here, the first time she burst into my life, intruiging me in every sense of the word. Now she just stands there - much like the first time - waiting for me to speak

"Cheryl, you can come in you know? You've been here before..."

"I, I know. It's just...well, last time you let us in it was only cause I hurt meself, I, you have no reason to now."

"Yes, I do." I walk over to her, taking her hand and leading her further into my apartment.

"We still need that talk."

Her eyes dart to the ground instantly, but she doesn't say anything. And I let it stay that way. I let it stay that way as she sits as far away from me as possible on the couch, like she is scared I will burn her if she makes any effort to touch me. I let her sit there, until I can't take it anymore.

"Cheryl, I've been honest with you, I still need to know some things." She crosses her arms infront of her body,

"Aye. You deserve that Kimba, I know you do." There is a short, blunt silence.

"Is...he... gone?" She asks inquisitively, still playing idly with the collar of her jumper.

"Yeah. He told me he left. Besides, he's not here right now." It's dusk, he wouldn't be here anyway.

"Kimba, can we just sleep?"

She's been sleeping for days.

"I know, I know, finally got up outta bed and now I want to sleep again." Guess I must have said that out loud.

"Yeah, we should sleep."

Cheryl smiles shyly, walking carefully towards the bedrooms.

"There are clothes in your room Cheryl. I'll see you in the morning."

I dismiss her and stride towards my room, knowing full well that I wont be able to resist the pout surely fixed on her face right about now. I turn to shut the door, and just as I do, I catch a glimpse of a tear trailing down her cheek.

There I go again. Making her cry. I push my head up against the door, trying to block out the whimpers from the other side as she shuffles into 'her' room. At one stage I almost burst out, envisioning myself wiping away her tears and just...holding her. But life isn't that simple. Not anymore.

I turn the light on, realising that I have been in the dark the whole time, thinking in solace. And then I see it. The wardrobes are thrown open, vacated space where Justin's clothes used to occupy. Even his bottles of aftershave, deodorants, all gone. I open the door to the adjoining en suite, his shavers, everything that ever showed he was here, gone. And that is when it hits me. I'm alone.

I trudge back towards the bed, peeling off my clothing on the way. The cool air stings my back as I slide between the sheets, burying myself in them as though the thin material can protect me from anything that may come my way. I close my eyes, trying desperately to block out my feelings, my life, my problems, and let sleep overcome me.

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I know it's her. She's screaming for me, tears streaking her face as she holds her arm out. It's desperate. She needs me. I watch as the arms wrap around her, drowning her in their sheer power. And there are more than just two, holding her and dragging her to her doom. My legs dont move, because they can't.