Chim - Don't Help Me

Chapter 17

"No no no. You can't be telling me this!"

She screams down the phone, her harsh tone shrouded by the sound of her tears. She is crying immensely now, her grip on my hand becoming tighter by the second. I feel guilty for trying to listen to what the woman on the other end of the phone is saying, but I do it anyway.

"Cheryl. I'm sorry. We couldn't contact you."

"So you thought that you wouldn't even let us say goodbye?!"

"Cheryl, please, we all needed closure." Her face turns to thunder.

"And you think that I didn't need closure?! It was me own fault that he's gone in the first place, if anything I need closure!"

"Stop blaming yourself!"

"Then stop making us feel like it's me own fault!"

"You know Cheryl, if you had just kept your mouth shut maybe he could have fought through better, maybe he could still be here, maybe it is your -"

"Don't you dare finish that."

The woman on the other line is silent, apart from the faint sound of her whimpering I hear no activity.

"Mam?"

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault, he was ill well before. I'm so sorry."

I stroke Cheryl's side gently, letting her know that whatever it is, I'm here.

"Mam, I can't deal with this right now. I've gotta go."

"Please love, at least tell us that you are safe. You're with someone?"

Cheryl smiles and looks over at me.

"Yes, I'm being looked after. I'm safe. I promise."

She looks me dead in the eye as she says the last part, as if looking for assurance that she is indeed safe with me. I simply squeeze her thigh and show what I hope is a warm smile.

"Ok pet, please stay safe for us."

"You could have waited Mam. Why didn't you wait?"

"I don't know."

"Then I don't have time for your apologies. I never get to say goodbye, do you know how that feels?"

"No."

"Then know how this feels, I need me space. Don't call, don't come looking for us, I'm safe."

"What do you want me to do then Cheryl?"

"What I want is for you to feed me dogs."

She ends the call ubruptly, not even saying goodbye. Before I know it, she is falling into me with tears flowing freely from her eyes, holding me and begging me not to leave her, not to say goodbye, and all I can do is rock her from side to side, telling her that everything will be ok, I won't leave her, but she doesn't stop crying, her tears drowning out every other sound, running like a waterfall.

"Promise us."

"Promise you what Cheryl?"

She sniffs and looks up at me, one hand gripping my shirt and the other stroking my cheek.

"Promise us that you will never leave me. Promise that you - you care about us..."

I stare into the pools of her eyes which are rapidly overflowing, her words choked out through sobs.

"I promise Cheryl. I'll never leave."

"And you, you care about us?"

"More than you know."