Elwyn Shadowblade (Complete)

Chapter 6

Elwyn rode stiffly back to her grotto in River Valley Canyons. She had a train of horses behind her, borrowed from Count Rhys, so she could pack up her home. Harqin rode behind the train and he'd been silent throughout the trip.

When they rode up to the edge of the grotto, the river burbling nearby, Elwyn dismounted. She released Argent but staked the pack horses near some grass so they wouldn't run off. Then she took the many pack baskets from them and hauled them into the grotto. Harqin, after staking his own horse, came to assist her.

Elwyn entered the cave, lining up the baskets at the entrance, and stared around at her home. She knew it could be the last time she saw it. Sighing, she went to work piling her things near the pack baskets. Harqin stood just beyond them and watched her work with an intense silence. When Elwyn could take his disquieting stares no longer she turned and leveled a hard gaze at him.

"What is it Harqin?"

Harqin jumped at the sound of her voice, "What? Oh... nothing."

"It's obviously something Harqin," Elwyn growled, "Spit it out or go away."

Harqin rubbed a hand across his tired eyes, "It's just... I don't get it. In all the time you've lived here you haven't once left. You barely stir yourself for problems in River Valley Canyons let alone Count Rhys' lands and now..." He shrugged, baffled.

Elwyn turned back to her work, "Harqin, you've known me as a hermit. You've known my life here. You also know my reputation as Elwyn Shadowblade. However, you don't know my history. There are a great many things that happen in a person's life no one ever hears about except those involved. There are a great many things you'll never know about me."

"It must be something big for you to risk death just to help the Count," Harqin commented with a shake of his head.

"I've risked death many times and never once was it a momentous occasion," Elwyn replied absently as she stacked things into the baskets, packing her belongings securely.

Argent would be staying in Harqin's village because Harqin was the only other person Argent trusted. Elwyn knew the young man would take care of the mare as she would so she didn't worry about leaving the horse behind. Harqin, unfortunately, had realized that by leaving Argent behind Elwyn was as good as admitting she wasn't returning from this trip. She was acknowledging, silently, she was probably going to die.

I've always known, from the moment I turned on the king, there would be a day I would reenter the kingdom and it would cost me my life. I always knew my time here in the north was limited. That the peace I'd found here was fleeting. I've always known that. Always. Elwyn let the reminders wash over her, taking the burning in her eyes away before it could become tears. They wouldn't be tears of sadness; they would be tears of regret. They would be the confession of guilt and defeat.

It would mean she'd lost the war with herself. Lost the war over who she truly was. It'd mean Elwyn Shadowblade had always been the truth and Elwyn the Hermit just a sad façade she'd thought to hide behind for a time. It made everything she struggled for pointless. It'd mean finally admitting she'd known all along who she really was, who she'd always been, and who she could only ever be: a killer.

And there is no peace.

She shook herself and began hauling the baskets back to the horses. Her home was now empty of anything that was once hers save the carved seat and the fire ring. The cave was almost the way she'd found it.

Elwyn could've destroyed the fire ring and hauled the carved seat to the river's edge, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to forget this had been a place of peace and contentment and solitude. She didn't want to erase the person who'd lived here for that was the person she should've been.

Elwyn the Hermit should've been the person and Elwyn Shadowblade the mask... not the other way around. The resigned thought hung heavily about her as she loaded up the last of the baskets, tied the pack horses' lead rein to Argent's saddle, mounted, and rode away from her home. It was painful to leave this behind and, truly, part of her was being left there as well.

It was the part she couldn't take with her. The part that abhorred the killer she was. The part that couldn't help her save Rhys' son.

The part, Elwyn feared, that was her soul.