Dive In

Chapter 6

I take a shower and scrub my body angrily. Maybe if I scrub hard enough it'll erase my memory and I'll stop having these dreams. I wash off so fast I'm sure there's still traces of soap on my body but I don't even care. Once I'm dry and moisturized I put on just enough makeup to cover the dark circles under my eyes and get dressed. My stomach is already starting to grow but that's probably because I went from religiously working out and eating healthy to taking naps and eating whatever I'm craving at that moment. I decided I can make the decision to keep the baby or not after my first doctors appointment in hopes I'm not constantly thinking about it, not that it really worked though. Now all I think about is if it's viable or not. What if it's an ectopic pregnancy or something and the decision is made for me?

My suitcase that I left partially open after getting home from fashion week in Milan still sits at the landing of the stairs, practically glaring at me that it needs to be unpacked but I couldn't be bothered. Normally Quinn unpacks for
me but I've been avoiding him because I hate keeping things from him, I feel nauseous and extremely guilty anytime he's around.

Fashion week was hell on earth. I did make a good chunk of money but being shoved into form fitting designer clothes like a rag doll with sore boobs was literal torture and I didn't even get to take a nap. Sure I came back with a ton of designer clothes but if I keep the baby they will no longer fit in a few months and most likely won't after I give birth either with the way I've been eating. Oh god, I'd have to shove a tiny human out of my vagina. I cringe at the thought and add that to the cons list.

I go to the kitchen and grab a cup of strawberry yogurt from the fridge and a spoon from the drawer. I've been craving strawberry everything. Milkshakes, yogurt, suckers, slushies, the fruit. If it tastes like strawberry I have to have it. Once I'm done with my yogurt I toss the empty cup in the trash and wash my spoon.

"Are you ready?" Angelo asks just as I finish up.

I give him a nod and grab my purse off the counter before following him. I gave Quinn the day off since I have my first checkup today, luckily he's not an assistant that gets worked like a dog so he didn't think twice about the free day. I've given him a lot of days off lately just to avoid him.

I grow nervous as I get in the SUV and Angelo pulls onto the road. I can't decide whether or not the pregnancy being viable would be a good or bad thing.

We arrive to Dr. Gellars office ten minutes early and I feel like I may vomit as Angelo parks. If this pregnancy is viable and I keep the baby I'm going to be responsible for this tiny person. Feeding it, changing it, getting up in the middle of the night with it. The thought is staggering. This whole situation is going to actually kill me. I'm going to drop dead on the runway in front of hundreds of people, I'm going to be the model that died while modeling. I bite the inside of my lip until I stop overthinking, I'm really losing it here. If it isn't the pregnancy that's going to kill me it's the naughty dreams I'm having.

I get out of the car and wait outside the rear entrance of the building with Angelo in tow. He gets a phone call so he steps away, just far enough where I can only hear a mumble of his conversation but he can still see me.

My phone rings and I pull it from my purse seeing its Jade.

"Hey, girl!" She says when I answer.

Her chipper voice does nothing to cheer  me up as my thoughts jump back to my naughty dream gone bland. "Hey."

"What's wrong? Who do I need to kill?" She growls.

I huff. "My brain."

"Why?"

"Because I keep having sex dreams about..." I trail biting my lip not even wanting to say this out loud.

I'm having sex dreams about a dead guy, how embarrassing.