Dive In

Chapter 43

•Nolani•

I get dressed in an odd state. My emotions are all over the place and my brain can't decide which one is the more dominant emotion so I'm feeling all of them in full force. Giovanni was quiet when he left the room, I saw a flash of regret in his eyes before he turned to go and it hit me right in the stomach. I'm not sure if he regrets lying or if he regrets telling me he's in love with me, either way I can't give my heart to a man that I can't trust.

That really hasn't gotten me anywhere in the past though, I roll my eyes at myself as I slip my shoes on. I trusted Clint and apparently he only proposed because he thought that was supposed to be the next step, not because he couldn't imagine living the rest of his life without making me his wife. God, I can't imagine being his wife now, it's crazy how fast my life has changed. Him ending our relationship was a blessing in disguise. He said he didn't think he was enough for me and now I completely agree with him. I let him walk all over me and I would just agree with him for the sake of ending the argument, I never pushed back, I couldn't have done that for the rest of my life. I was just so afraid if I pushed back he wouldn't love me anymore.

With Giovanni we got to know each other in a different way. I wasn't looking for anything from him and he somehow fell in love with me, just like that? I haven't even tried getting him to like me, I've just been myself, I never thought anyone could fall in love with me as the true person I am. I hid the shadows in my soul from Clint but Giovanni has seen every dark corner there and walked through it as if it were nothing. I guess to him it is nothing.

I groan and rub a hand down my face. I have to stop thinking about this, I just want to talk to Matteo and see what he knows and not think another second about Giovanni's declaration. I completely forgot to tell him I wanted to see Matteo tonight after our talk in the shower. Hopefully he hasn't left yet, his boxers were soaked so he had to change before going anywhere so maybe he's in his room.

I exit my room and enter his without knocking, closing the door behind me. He's standing in front of his floor length mirror buttoning his shirt. There's a wildfire blazing in those amber eyes, the flame so hot it singes my soul as they meet mine and I try not to wince at the feeling of all that heat pointed at me.

"I want to see Matteo now, I can't wait until tomorrow." I state.

I don't think he'll fight me on it but if he tries I won't give in, I need to see Matteo.

He stares at me for a moment, his eyes searing me and then he gives a nod. "I'll call Riot, Nico and Alessia can stay with Rome."

Alessia will love that. I need to talk to her about this thing with Nico, she really should try staying away from him until I can talk Giovanni into changing his mind about marrying her off.

"Okay." I mutter and turn to leave.

That was easier than expected.

"Your Mom was messed up mentally, you're aware of that right?" His question stops me.

I frown, facing him again. "What do you mean?"

"Anyone who can force a child to do what she did is mentally unstable. Anyone who disciplines a child by burning them with a cigarette, anyone who puts their child through the things she put you through is fucking unwell mentally." He replies coldly as if I wasn't completely aware of that.

It's just brings me back to the puzzlement of how Giovanni could love me when even my own mother didn't.

My fists clench at my sides. "What's your point?"

His gaze is like an iron grip, holding me in place to a point where I question if I'll ever move again. "If she's the reason why you question my love for you, she's the last person you should be listening to."