Behind The Lights

You're hurting me

I go up to the bedroom that Jason and I now share. I couldn't be bothered as to who's at the front door. This isn't even my house so whoever's at the door, doesn't really concern me anyway. I take my laptop with me and just leave it open on the bed as I sit in front of it and not do what I'm supposed to be doing but instead keep replaying what had happened just now.

10 minutes later I hear the room door open and Jason walks in, breaking me from my thoughts. I don't say anything and just observe him to identify his mood. He pulls his shirt over his head taking it off and throwing it into the hamper as he goes over to his massive wardrobe and pulls out another T-shirt throwing it on. The whole time my eyes are fixed on him.

He shuts the wardrobe door and turns to face me. "So I'm gonna cook dinner and I thought of making some grilled chicken with some Brussels sprouts. I know how much you love my Brussels sprouts." He says casually as if he didn't just act like a total psycho like 10 minutes ago.

"What did you mean just now when you said if I tested you, you'd?..... You'd What Jason?....... What would you do?" I ask and guilt flashes upon his face, he walks toward the bed and sits down at the corner of the bed sighing with his head hanging down. I could tell he regretted his actions but this is the cycle, He acts like a total psycho and then he feels bad and apologizes, only to do it again.

"I don't know what came over me, Jess...." He says shaking his head guiltily. "I was just upset cause you made it sound like being with me is a total nightmare." He says in a sad and disappointed tone.

"Well honestly.... sometimes it kind of is Jason. You're so unpredictable." I let him know.

"Please don't say that." He says looking at me a little hurt. "I try to do everything I can to make you happy. I don't know what else you want." He says.

"Well, what would make me happy is some space and a little freedom," I say without holding back.

"But I do give you space and you have the freedom to do whatever you want Jess, you make me sound like a possessive psychopath or something." He says getting upset and clearly I've hit a button.

"Okay, then let me go back to my apartment. I want things to go back to the way they were before." I say and his face turns from all hurt and sad to now annoyed.

"Yea, no! That's not gonna happen." He says getting up from the bed as if the conversation is over.

"I thought you said you give me freedom," I say standing up as well.

"Don't start with me, Jess. We're not going over this again." He says in a warning tone as he turns and walks to the other side of the room.

"No Jason! I'm tired of arranging my life the way you want me to.... this is my life and I decide what I want." I say walking towards him and out of nowhere, I have this adrenaline rush and confidence. "You know what?........ I don't even know what I'm doing here." I say in realization as I walk towards the wardrobe I now share with Jason. "I'm going back," I say, pulling out my luggage from the top shelf and opening my side of the closet as I throw T-shirt's and shorts into the bag, I begin to pack vigorously. I don't have to do something just because he tells me to. I'm not a child.

"Jess stop being dramatic and put the bag down," Jason says with arms folded, watching me intently from the other end of the room. I continue to ignore him as I keep packing.

"Jess.... put the damn bag down." He says, his voice getting louder but I couldn't care less what he says, I'm now overwhelmed by adrenaline and am done being his little bitch.

Out of nowhere, I feel a hard grip on my arm and I'm yanked harshly from the ground and thrown on to the bed by him, the speed and impact of his actions made me a little woozy. I try to compose myself and get up but instead he gets on top of me and straddles me, my eyes go wide in shock. The last time he acted like this, I thought he was gonna hit me but instead, he kissed me, I really hope he doesn't kiss me now, I'm so not in the mood. What he does next is worse than I expected. I feel his massive hand grip my throat as he stares into my eyes with a look of what felt like pure evil. He puts pressure around my neck and panic immediately course through me. Oh my God! Is he going to kill me? I think I've pushed him too far.