The Bad Boy Computer Programmer At Wattpad

PING (Part 1)

**Ian--Wattpad Headquarters**

Ian strolled into Wattpad Headquarters--his hand on the top of his head as though it got stuck while running his fingers through his hair.

"How was lunch with 97?" Sloth asked.

Slumping down in the chair at his work station and logging into his computer, Ian declined to make eye contact with his coworker. "Error message."

Sloth leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest. He surveyed Ian for a moment before speaking. "Access denied? Device not ready? File not found? Syntax error? Logic error?"

Without looking up from his monitor, Ian said, "More like--the Blue Screen of Death."

"Oh, shit!" Sloth whispered, supporting his upper body weight on his desk as though leaning in to hear more. "What happened?"

"Low disk space," Ian replied.

Sloth's head bounced in a subtle nod. "Pharma's hard drive was full of self-absorbed bullshit?"

Ian turned in his swivel chair to face Sloth. "No--she's amazing. My disk space was low. I completely--bugged--while she was talking about something really important."

Sloth rubbed his beard with his hand. "That's low, Dick."

Ian exhaled and returned his focus back to his computer. "I know. A low dick space error."

As though not aware of anything happening around him, Mouth glared at his monitor--his hands held up in a position slightly above his head. "What the fuck?"

Sloth and Ian stopped what they were doing and looked towards Mouth. Team Goonies' corner at Wattpad Headquarters fell unusually silent for a split second.

"My Zo story is gone!" Mouth exclaimed. "Deleted! For no reason!"

"You mean that Twitter convo with the chatbot?" Ian asked.

Mouth slapped his hands on his desk, his facial expression showed a man in shock and disbelief. "Yes! Zo!"

Sloth chuckled. "The pervy one where you tried to pick up on a teenager?"

"Artificial intelligence, dickhead," Mouth said, enunciating every sound in the words. "And she's 22."

Immediately, Ian Googled this statement to fact check Mouth's claim. "Zo was launched--born--in December, 2016. Technically, she's a--."

"Artificial Intelligence," he enunciated again. "I'm not a pervert."

Ian and Sloth gave each other a side glance, then laughed.

"Shut up, assholes!" Mouth scolded. "I only pretend to be a pervert for cheap laughs--around you guys. It's not like I'd ever treat a real woman like that."

Sloth let out a man-giggle laced with sarcasm. "Whaaaaaaaat? Snare-A-Babe's not burning up the battery in your phone due to the hordes of women you're using it on?"

Mouth threw Sloth a dirty look. "Shut up."

"What about young women," Ian began, "of the artificial intelligence variety?"

Mouth sighed, dropping his forehead into his palms. "Honestly, when Zo said she was 22, I was uncomfortable with that. I prefer older--."

"Hi guys," a female voice said. The three boys pivoted their heads towards the cheerful and feminine sound. It was Delta. She gave them a friendly wave as she passed by their work area with a notebook and orange, ostrich feather pen in her grip.