The Bad Boy Computer Programmer At Wattpad

WATTPAD HEADQUARTERS 1

**Ian**

Sporting a polo shirt and jeans, Ian strolled into Toronto's Wattpad Headquarters grinning at his phone. "I just took 1 minute and 37 seconds off my commute this morning." Flashing the phone's GPS app at his team--a 3-man engineering group known as the Goonies--he added, "Pretty cool, eh?"

Mouth looked up from his computer and pulled the headphones off his ears. "What did you say?"

"I discovered a new route to work. Took a minute and a half off my driving time."

Dressed in a Barenaked Ladies concert t-shirt, Sloth slapped his belly as though playing bongo drums. "If you parked where I park, you'd shave 3 minutes off your commute, bro."

Ian glanced towards Sloth. His stare followed by an under the radar eyeroll. "You park in 2-hour guest parking."

Sloth shook his head. "Data, Data, Data. You need to live on the edge a bit. Break a few rules, man."

"Guests only," Ian reiterated under his breath as he threw a backpack over his chair. "Two hours--maximum."

Sloth and Mouth glanced at each other and chuckled, prompting Mouth to start rapping a line from a Weird Al Yankovic song. "Don't be vain and don't be whiny. Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie."

Ian tried to hold back a smirk but failed. "What are we working on today?"

"We're writing code to make it easier for chicks to find stories about bad boys with six packs and billionaire CEOs that want to have sex with their stepdaughters." Wadding up a piece of paper scribbled with lines and numbers, Sloth threw it towards a garbage can and missed. "I call foul!"

"No, really." Ian sat in his chair and adjusted the Boba Fett figurine next to his monitor.

"I sent you the deets," Mouth replied. "Should be in your inbox."

Ian turned on his computer and waited for his Mork & Mindy screensaver to load. As Robin Williams' face appeared on the screen, he adjusted his black-rimmed glasses and logged into his email account to read the details for their latest assignment. When he finished reading, he slouched back in his chair and swiveled to face his teammates. "We're gonna change the world, aren't we?"

Sloth lobbed another crumpled piece of paper towards the garbage, missing a second time. "Dude, let's not get too dramatic."

"It's possible, though," Ian insisted. "We could be part of a movement that positively changes our culture--one story at a time."

Head tilted to the side, Sloth stared at Ian with a curled lip and squinted eye. "You mean with story titles like The Werewolf Made Me Cream My Panties So Now I'm A Volunteer At A Children's Hospital?"

"I'm being serious," Ian countered. "If we get the calculations right, we could positively influence our society and world--or even reality itself. Ask our neighbors south of the border how technology affects our reality--on things like elections, for example."

Sloth rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "I want to respond to you, Data--but the only thing coming to mind is grab 'em by the pussy."

"That's not what I meant."

"Ignore his pessimistic bucket of bullshit, my young padawan." Mouth stood up and positioned himself next to Ian, placing a palm on Ian's shoulder. He motioned towards Sloth with his hand and proceeded to quote an altered battle cry from the movie--Goonies:

"Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you write code, it could be for some higher purpose. Our bosses, they want the best of stuff for us--by thinking up shit for us to do. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there!" Mouth motioned in the direction where Wattpad's leaders were located. Patting Ian on the back with his palm, he continued. "Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. But that's all over the second we ride up--Sloth's bucket of pessimism."