Dear friend,
It is 9:43 PM and I just had a Thanksgiving dinner with my mother's cousin's side of the family. Some of my aunts and uncles were there, as well as my immediate cousins. That made it easier to walk around the house without knowing anybody. I didn't eat any desserts and I hardly ate any dinner. I don't know how I am doing and my mothet now knows not to ask if I am okay. I almost cried in front of my aunt two weeks ago and I don't know why. I'm glad that I didn't because if I did then she would ask me questions and if that didn't work then she would just start assuming what it was and tell me that she understood or something. And I don't want that to happen. I don't want any attention. But maybe that's why I'm sad. All of the attention is on my brother because he melts down all of the time when something doesn't go right for him. I said something to him in front of my dad in the car that I don't remember, but I do remember he said that I would regret saying that one day. And I said I wouldn't. And he asked me if I hated my brother. And I said that he hated me. And he does. But when my father asked him he said he didn't. And I hate my brother. I really do. He has destroyed me. I am a bad person. My dad said that I have had to mature too quickly. I don't think that's true. I think I just ignore things more. People wonder why I wear headphones all the time.
I still don't understand why I am writing this. And I don't know why you are reading this. I'm sorry for writing this down. It's just nice to know that you are reading this and that you cared enough to come this far. Or at least I hope you do. Feel free to hate on me if you want. I might now reply. Because I really don't care. This is probably the last thing I will write in this book. I just want you to know that I agree completely with Charlie in the end of The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I just want you to know that I'm okay, and even when I'm not, I will be eventually.
I don't know if that is necessarily true in this case. But I still like the way he said it.
I also thought about something today. I thought about every time I leave school for the three day weekend I go back a slightly new person. We only have three days until we go back to school now, which means that I have been off of school for seven days. I thought that if I am a different person after three days, what the hell will happen to me after ten?
Love always,
Zombastik
