Dear God

The 16th prayer

Dear God,

I didn't Die. I wanted to, every atom of my being wanted to Die. But if I Died, who would be there for Quinn when she wakes up? The doctors day that her chances of waking up are around 3% now. That number used to be higher, in celebration of this terrible news I Painted my wrists with Red. God why did you create me this way, a painter?

I found Quinn's journal today. She never calls it a diary, Quinn says that makes it sound like some delicate princess is writing in it. Either way, it was wedged in between the wall and the back of the shelf, in a fake cover. She really didn't want me to find it, did she? I skimmed through most of it, all normal things. Until I found a entry from about to weeks before she fell Asleep. It said:

Dear Journal, I wanna write this because I've got that weird feeling in my gut, You know, the one that tingles and twists and pulls on you. The one that tells you that something bad is gonna happen. So here we go, If I, Quinn Ann Harperchance, die. Here are my last wishes:

1.) Bury me under my favorite tree, it's the old willow next to the "wishing well", Ever will know where it is.

2.) Please don't dress me up for my own funeral in black, Dear lord, you only do that when somebody else is dead. The color of freedom is the perfect color. You decide what color that is.

3.) Somebody please take care of Everjoy, I couldn't die peacefully knowing that she was still broken and unhappy. Somebody needs to love her, and not just me.

And 4.) Please let me go to Heaven so that I can meet up with Ever there. I know she'll get there, Ever is one of the kindest people I know, But will I? Maybe, I have no clue, I'll just have to cross my fingers. and hope for the best :)

Signing off, Quinn

God, will Quinn go to heaven? Please let Quinn go to heaven. PROMISE ME SHE WILL GO TO HEAVEN. Promise me on your secret name.

I'm crying now because of all the Pain you've caused me. The tears are spilling over my Scars and down my cheeks. They are for Quinn. My crying is for Quinn, and all Quinn wanted for me to be is happy! To her I was supposed to be Ever-full-of-JOY! And now all I am is Ever-full-of-PAIN, and full of HURT, and all I ever do is Break whatever beautiful thing happens to wander into my Pitiful existence. And I Paint. Quinn told me to stop Painting and I listened, but now that she's gone, who will stop me from finishing my Masterpiece?

I have so many Demons that Quinn helped me face, but now that Quinn is gone they are starting to seep back into my life. They seep under doors, and through cracks in the walls and in the dark they tip-toe into my mind.

God, do you have any Demons? Yes, you do. Everyone has Demons to face, but I don't face mine I just run and I think you run too. We run fast, with our feet pounding as we scream in terror and tears run down our faces because it Hurts so much. And then you wake up and every shadow holds the next Nightmare and you want to never close your eyes again, But you do and it just repeats itself over, and over, and over again until the sun rises, and even then the Demons are just waiting. You know what this is like, because God, I am part of you and you are part of me.

I am Flawed and so are you. You are not perfect because no one is. But God, at least you have power. Because if you have any power, you'll use it to keep the Monsters away, you'll use it to keep me from Painting red tonight, you'll use it to wake up Quinn. Please.

Love, Everjoy