The Bad Boy Computer Programmer At Wattpad

SUPERMARKET SUNDAY (Part 2)

"Where's all this coming from?" Geri questioned. "Is there something you're not telling us?"

"Ian has a wife--or girlfriend--or something. And she's gorgeous and brilliant. And I have my period."

Mona scrunched her lips. "Who's Ian?"

Jeannie's eyes and mouth widened. "You mean that engineer from Wattpad?"

Amanda nodded for verification.

"I knew you were cyberstalking him!" Jeannie exclaimed. "Cyberstalking always ends up on the road to disaster."

Geri grinned. "So--you were crushing on the programmer? I thought you scratched computer programmers off your list of potentials."

Another verification nod framed with blushing cheeks proceeded Amanda's words. "Yes. It was a short-lived crush, though. Over before it really started."

"Are you sure he's seeing someone?" Mona asked.

"I'm sure," Amanda said. "And besides--he lives a million miles away. It was a dead end to begin with."

"I don't know," Jeannie began. "My intuition is pretty good with these things. I'd be lying if I said I didn't sense something between the two of you during that video chat."

"You haven't seen Georgette, though." Amanda turned down the rice and pasta aisle. "If I had a choice between myself and this woman--I'd totally choose her."

"Don't say that," Geri said. "Why would you even say that?"

"You know how you were saying earlier that in order to have someone fall IN love with you--you need to fall IN love with yourself first?"

"Yeah--." For a split second, Geri flickered from existence to non-existence, then back again.

"Georgette IS that love you were describing." Amanda stared at the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese boxes for a moment before adding, "She doesn't give off that toxic, narcissistic self-love vibe. You know? The selfie taker, constantly begging for verification that she's worthy? She doesn't seem like that at all. She seems like someone who genuinely loves herself--despite any flaws and failures. I mean--I totally understand why Ian would be drawn to her. Hell--I'm drawn to her."

Jeannie placed a hand on Amanda's arm. Her hand flickered for a brief second when it touched her skin. "But you're just as--."

"No," Amanda interrupted. "I'm not like that. My health. My appearance. My inner self-talk. I live in a messy shithole. I work at a job I hate. I don't finish projects--whether painting the bathroom or writing a story. I'm nothing like Georgette. I'm the person who crawls in my bed at night--pulls the covers over her head--and imagines how happy I'll finally be when someone falls IN love with me."

Jeannie took a breath to speak, but Amanda held up her hand to stop the words from leaving her lips. "Don't try to sugar coat this, Jeannie. I'm okay. It's good. This Ian and Georgette thing needed to happen. I need to get my shit together." Pulling the container of brownies out of the cart and holding them in the air, Amanda added, "And I need to stop using shit like this as pseudo-medication to numb myself from the reality--of my reality."

"But those are really delicious," Mona whispered.

Amanda sighed as she stared at the brownies, unsure if she wanted to ditch them on the pasta shelf or put them back in her cart. "I'm a hot mess. Where do I even start with the clean-up process?"

"Start by realizing you're already perfect," Geri suggested. "You're the best possible you that you could be at this moment in time. Tomorrow--you'll be a different version of your perfect self. The day after that--another perfect version. You are and always will be--perfect--no matter where you're at in life."