Family Ties | JJK

40: Jimin's Love | Yoongi's Fear

Not looking into his eyes, too scared to see his reaction. He begins with a story Yoongi can never forget...

'Remember,' he mumbles into his chest, 'back when we had only just debuted when I was upset or nervous, you would always draw me into you, let me lay my head on your chest, as you played with my hair.'

Jimin sighed lost in memories of the old times, times that seemed so much easier.

'I would rest there, for what seemed like an eternity, listening to your heartbeat, and knowing that mine was beating for you. I know things changed now, we have expectations, limits... Rules.

But sometimes when it all gets too much, I close my eyes and I can still hear your heartbeat if I listen really carefully.'

As Jimin spoke he let his head lower ever so gently in time with the speed in which his speech got slower, each word deliberately placed, and only, on the last syllable, did he finally let his head rest upon Yoongi's chest.

Jimin didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop it, there was no way he could have ever controlled this emotion, to finally be held again, to not be pushed away.

Right now, in Yoongi's arms, listening to his heart and breathing in that oh so familiar smell?

It felt like home.

It felt right, and until this moment he hadn't let himself realise just how much he missed it- how much he needed it.

He had closed himself off, made him forget how much he needed this love. Because his love caused Yoongi's stress.

And he had always loved Yoongi so much that he ignored his own feelings over his. Doing anything to make him happy, to see his smile that lit up his eyes and made the world around Jimin stop.

He hadn't realised how long it had been until Yoongi was whispering softly in his ear.

'Shh baby, don't cry, please don't cry, I'm so sorry Jimin baby please.'

Jimin's sobs wracked his chest and made his body jar with every breath.

'I'm sorry Yoongi-hyung I didn't, I mean, I should have... I'm sorry. I know with us... It's hard-'

Jimin carried on almost without noticing Yoongi's flinch. Unfortunately almost, was not close enough, and his words trailed off as he stared across at him.

'Jimin-ah,' Yoongi begins, 'there is no 'us'.'

'But Yoong-'

'No, I know you are upset, and so am I, but this,' He gestures at the two of them, 'shouldn't have happened, it was a mistake, we are both hurting and came together in a moment of weakness, you know I can't be there for you like that anymore.'

'No!' Jimin's voice raises, he was still crying and his speech was full of grief and pain, but now a sharp edge of anger was seeping into his tone.

Why can't you just say it out loud? I love you Yoongi,' Yoongi briefly closes his eyes at Jimin's words, too pained to stare into his.

'But guess what? You're a coward, who can't admit what he wants just one god damn time.'

'Jimin-'

'No Yoongi, I'm sick of this, sick of you. 'This',' he mocks Yoongi's earlier motion of them, 'is not a mistake, it is not a weakness. It is us, it's real, and its love. And I can't deal with your crap right now.' Jimin gets up to leave.

'Right now?' Yoongi shouts back, rising as well, anger swelling within the room.

'Listen to me park Jimin' He shouted, stepping closer, the two almost nose to nose. 'Right now is not the time, get over yourself, Jungkook's gone... Gone. And now you want to talk about 'us'- about this! Now?!'

'Exactly.' Jimin roars back, completely losing it at the reminder of what had happened.

'Don't you see, that could have been you? I could have lost you... And I don't even have you, because you won't let us. And, min Yoongi,' Jimin retorts just as angry, stepping closer himself and pushing at Yoongi's chest, 'It's never the right time for you, you're just like Y/N, always running away from love, you won't ever stand still and fucking see what's in front of you. What we could be.'

Jimin's anger ebbs and his shoulders collapse in defeat.

'Why can't you see how much I need you, how much I love you?' He whispers into their space.

Silence.

After being so close, anger fuelling their heated argument, faces inches apart- now the distance felt like the universe itself was separating them.

Jimin stares at the floor, tears dripping off his wet lashes and falling gracefully to the floor in one final, sudden end.

He couldn't believe himself. He had never lost control like this before. He had never let himself show Yoongi how broken he was.

Now he stood in fear of what was about to happen.

What he expected ranged from Yoongi crying, shouting, storming out or kissing him (He could still hope)...

What he didn't expect, was Yoongi's monotonous voice speaking to him as if he were ending a polite business exchange.

'Jimin-ah thank you for coming after me, I appreciate your concerns, but now I have to go.'

Jimin almost collapsed.

Anything, anything would be better than this... Than this emotionless, blank Yoongi staring back at him.

He felt sick.

He had pushed too far and now he had lost Yoongi.

He almost fell to his knees.

'Hyung wait please, it's late,' Jimin couldn't even bring himself to care at how pathetically desperate he sounded, 'Yoongi-hyung... Yoongi, Yoongi, please! No! Wait-'

The door swings shut with a heavy sense of regret.

**