Monologues

Thank You So Much (Comedic)

Thank You So Much

By Unknown

(In this monologue, Helen is the most annoying woman ever born, however, she is completely and utterly sincere and genuine with everything she says.)

HELEN:

 Thank you...thank you so much. No, no, really...thank you. I thank you so much for what you have done. You are the best. You are stupendous. You are the greatest ever. Thank you. I truly need you to know how grateful I am and just how amazingly thankful I am to you. Thank you. Without you this never would have happened. Thank you. This life, this moment, everything in it, this incredible experience; so gratifying and dreamlike...thank you. You made this happen. You made this all come true. Without you my life would be crap. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zero. Invisible. Absolutely boring. Thank you. No, really, thank you. Thank you so much for all you have done for me. Thank you for being you, you perfect person you, you perfect human being person you, THANK YOU. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, the top of my heart and everything around my heart, everything inside my heart, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you...so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so (she loses her breath, gasps for air but regains control after a quick cough) ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so ,so........MUCH. You are remarkable. A gem. Special. Generous. Beyond words. Beyond what is beyond and then, what is even beyond that. An angel, a saint...you are Godlike. Really, no, no...you are the most wonderful creature ever created to exist on planet Earth.

Thank you. Just thought you should know...thanks again...thank you. Truly. (whispers) Thank you. (points) You. You. (softest whisper) Thank you. (mouthing the words) Thank you.