Today I Met The Girl I'm Going To Marry | jensoo

Chapter 50

What I wouldn't give to have that happen with me by her side.

There's a soft tapping on my window and then I hear my mom's voice. "Jisoo?"

I twist my head and squint at her because of the bright California sunlight.

I wish it wasn't so bright when I feel so dark inside.

"Hey, mom," I say in a voice devoid of any emotion.

"Are you ok?" she asks as her forehead crinkles with concern. "You've been out here for quite some time."

I nod my head because speaking is taking too much effort.

My mom doesn't believe me.

And for good reason.

I've never been a good liar and that's another reason why I couldn't agree to what Jennie asked of me.

There's a chance I would slip up and the very idea that I could be the one to ruin Jennie's career is too awful to think about.

The guilt I'd feel would be overwhelming.

There are so many reasons why I know I made the right decision.

But there's also one huge reason why I begin questioning myself.

Jennie.

Maybe being with her is enough for me to change my mind.

Maybe, but it's not.

This sucks!

So fucking much!

I follow my mom inside and I let her lead me to the sofa in the den.

"What's wrong?" my mom asks gently.

Everything.

My world has crashed down around me.

I don't respond.

I just stare at my mom.

She takes my face in the palm of her hand.

I can see the pain she's in because she's worried about me.

I open my mouth to tell her I'm fine but I quickly close it because I'm not.

My lips quiver as every emotion I've been suppressing since I left Jennie hours ago hits me at once.

I throw myself at my mom as I break down completely.

She grabs hold of my trembling and sobbing body and that makes me cry harder.

I bury my head against her shoulder and I let go of it all.

My mom says nothing but she rubs my back like she did when I broke my leg as a kid.

Or when I didn't get the lead in the play in junior high.

Or when I was cheated on.

Through every heartbreaking moment in my life, my mom has been the one to comfort me and that's why I came here today.

Because I need her to get me through this.

I need her strength to lift me up when I feel so damn weak.

And it doesn't go unnoticed that Jennie never had her own mother to go to.

To be the one she could count on, through anything.

I can't think about that now, I don't have it in me to put myself in her shoes.

I want to say that I'm a big enough person to look outside myself right now, but I'm too consumed by my own pain to do that.