Today I Met The Girl I'm Going To Marry | jensoo

Chapter 50

I drove around aimlessly after I left my apartment.

After I left Jennie.

I left Jennie behind and I miss her so much already.

How in the world am I going to get through this?

I'm not.

I can't imagine not feeling this destroyed.

I feel like someone ripped my heart out and replaced it with nothing.

There's an empty hole in my chest that can only be filled by one person.

Too bad that person doesn't want to be with me.

Ok, ok, Jennie does want to be with me, but under her terms and conditions and as much as I wish that wasn't the case, I have to accept that it is.

I ended up driving over to my parent's house.

I could have called Rosé and something tells me Bobby might know already or he's about to find out what happened but my parent's seemed like the best choice.

I've been sitting in my car for the last half hour without moving.

I physically can't move.

I'm paralyzed.

By pain and heartache.

My limbs feel so heavy.

I've spent the time since I arrived at my parent's in a complete daze.

I went from thinking I had the girl of dreams to having her ripped from my grasp so fast it made my head spin.

And my heart shatter.

Into a million fucking pieces.

I stare off into space as I go over all the fantastic times I've shared with Jennie.

Each and every one plays in my mind like a movie montage.

Us laughing.

Us smiling.

Us singing.

Us dancing.

Us kissing.

Us making love.

These moments are set to a love song I can't make out.

But no matter how many times I try to give myself a happy ending, my montage always finishes on the same scene.

Me, walking away from Jennie.

She stood there with the saddest most pathetic expression on her face.

It almost made me turn back.

I couldn't though.

I couldn't when I knew that eventually we'd reach the same point if I chose to live the way Jennie wanted me to.

Whether it's now or it's later, I'd still be the one walking away from her.

Because I don't have it in me to live any other way than as myself.

I tried being straight.

I tried being Sexy Jisoo.

I tried to stop falling down.

I tried and I failed.

Each and every time.

I can only be me.

Jisoo.

And despite the agony I'm in, I hope one day Jennie can live as her true self.

Even if I'm not there to see it.