Today I Met The Girl I'm Going To Marry | jensoo

Chapter 46

I've spent a lot of hours trying to figure out what she's thinking and perhaps she's been doing the same thing.

I can't expect more from her just because it would make it easier on me.

Despite the pain and hurt I've endured, all of Jennie's actions up until this point have been made blindly and without the truth being known to her.

Maybe she's just as confused as I am.

Maybe she's just as lost as I am.

Maybe she's just as scared as I am.

No matter how obvious my feelings might be to the world around us, maybe to Jennie they aren't.

I have my doubts.

It's only reasonable to think she has hers.

I've questioned her motives.

It's to be expected that she's questioned mine.

For all she knows, I'm not really interested in a relationship with her.

I know, I know, that doesn't seem likely but being in love, or feeling strongly for someone, can make your mind play tricks on you.

Your perspective can be skewered so you interpret events a certain way even if that's not what happened.

I am a perfect example of that theory.

What I'm about to do, should just be about her and me.

Not Hanbin.

Not her career.

Not Irene.

Not the mixed messages I perceive her to be sending.

Not anything but us.

Only us.

And right now, this needs to be about me, being honest with her.

One hundred percent honest about what I feel.

I'm terrified of what the outcome will be, but I'm more terrified of keeping my feelings to myself.

All the other stuff that's gotten in our way pales in comparison to how important this moment is.

"Ok," Jennie replies softly.

I can tell she's worried about what's going to come out of my mouth.

She can relax because I'm still stumped on how exactly I'm going to do this.

The fact that we've been plunged into silence makes it harder for me to come up with something good.

I'm about two seconds away from telling Jennie that I'm just a girl, standing in front of another girl, asking her to love me.

After a few uncomfortable minutes pass, I inhale sharply and begin. "Before I met you, I had given up on ever..."

I cut myself off before I sound any more like a cheesy movie with very predictable dialogue.

And then it hits me.

I get now why I've struggled so much to express myself properly.

It's time to stop thinking with my head.

And start speaking from my heart.

I clear my throat a few times and despite all my fears I am oddly confident. "When I first saw you talking to my dad, I have to admit, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen." Jennie blushes a bit and I try very hard not to get distracted by that sight. "I still do actually."