Dear, Hamilton

Rewind

Monroe fixes his eyes on me from across the table, and I notice his eyes dip to my stomach before he remarks coolly, "I've heard the happy news. Congratulations." 

I have the sudden urge to cover my stomach away from his prying, if not disapproving stare, but I force my hands to remain fisted in my lap as I gaze at him from down the table. 

"Thank you," I reply, pasting a smile on my face. 

Monroe smiles back, but it's a distant and bland smile, as if he doesn't really mean what he's saying, as if not even putting in the effort to hide his displeasure.

But then he clears his throat and looks towards Angelica, and all traces of dislike and disapproval vanish from his face as he asks Angelica, "How long are you planning on staying at The Pastures? Is Mr. Church staying at your new house for his job?"

Angelica offers him a polite smile as she nods and replies, "Yes, he left about a week ago because he couldn't miss any more work. I'm staying for perhaps another month, and then I'll leave for maybe another two months before coming back here for Eliza."

Hamilton remarks teasingly, "You know, Angelica, I'll be here, too." 

Silence descends after this comment as Laurens, Hamilton, and I all realize at the same time that he's probably not going to be here. He's most likely going to be away, fighting. 

Alexander clears his throat a little and adds awkwardly in a murmur, "Or, maybe not."

Monroe gives Alexander a critical look, one eyebrow raising, and suggests loftily, "Perhaps you ought to consider putting down your arms and military dress, Colonel Hamilton, for your wife and child's sake, if not your own."

Angelica and I exchange bewildered looks at Monroe's boldness, and Hamilton's hand tightens on mine from underneath the table. I know this time he isn't squeezing my hand to make sure I'm okay.

Hamilton replies curtly, "I would love to do that Mr. Monroe, and perhaps I would if men like you would step up and join the fight."

This time it's Laurens and me exchanging bewildered looks. Hamilton has never ever let on that he wants to quit military life. Today has been the first day that he's let out even an inkling that he might want to retire from fighting. 

And to call out Monroe like that--

I look away from Laurens's stunned face and notice Hamilton and Monroe are having a silent stare down, both of them openly glowering at the other. 

As if to diffuse the sudden tension, I quickly say, "I'll go get some more refreshments." 

Slipping my hand from Hamilton's, I stand up and tug Angelica up from the table with me with a discreet hand on her elbow. She looks surprised as she reluctantly stands up, but when she sees the urging look on my face, she obliges and walks with me to the kitchen.

When the kitchen door has closed behind us, I round on my sister and say, "Angelica, what is Monroe doing here?"

She looks slightly taken-aback at my crossness. She flusters for words before she manages to say, "I'm not sure exactly. He didn't entirely specify why he was here when he arrived, though I believe he mentioned your name."

I put a hand on my forehead and rub between my eyes tiredly. "Well, this dinner is going to be my downfall. I already feel tired, and Monroe being here isn't helping."

Angelica purses her lips, a look of guilt crossing her face, and replies, "I'm sorry, Eliza. If you're feeling so awful, maybe you should retire early, and then you can avoid the dinner and Monroe altogether."