outlines ✰ l.h.

chapter twenty-nine

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-

Strangers. A community composed of billions of people that you have never seen or met. Those you don't recognize. In some reckless situations, it's those who you can recognize. You used to familiarize yourself with them. Fold yourself into their box of daily routines. Twist and bend to have your ears perk up at their favorite song, which is now yours, and squish to roll their birthday and family members name off your tongue.

When you lose what you once held so tightly, it seems foreign to see it once again. Tension, happiness, anxiety, fear. Days, weeks, months go by without contact. You start seeing them from the corner of your eye. Perhaps you hear their voice in a busy coffee shop. You routinely listened to that old voicemail and recognize the tone. But it's never them. It's only strangers.

On my last day of school, I was expecting bliss. My high expectations had always led me down a sullen road. That was my own fault. What I received was loneliness at the last bell. That was until a familiar voice hollered at me.

"Andy!" The boy called. I whipped my head over my shoulder to see a tall and lean Michael scurrying towards me. Even in the summer he was pale and covered by a hoodie.

"Hey, Andy," he breathed out.

I smiled politely at him. I was relieved to hear my name from someone else's lips. "Hi, Michael."

He stood awkwardly in front of me, staring around at everyone but me. "I just saw you walking towards the parking lot."

"Yeah, I, uh, I'm going home," I stammered. Michael looked down at me, a soft smile appearing on his face.

"Okay, well, come over to my house," he said. I stayed silent, unsure of the reasoning behind the invite. He cleared his throat, "Do you and Luke still talk?" There it was.

I pursed my lips at the painful mention of him. "That's long over."

He slowly nodded his head, "Right." Michael peered around the crowd again, taking a long gander before focusing back in on me. "He asks about you a lot. He'll be over tonight too. Maybe we can tie up the loose ends."

"Oh," I softly replied. My nose scrunched at the thought of reuniting with Luke. "I don't know."

Michael nodded, I knew he understood. He squinted as the sun reappeared from behind the clouds. "Well, everyone else is coming over around 9. I'd really like to see you around more."

I could've mistaken this kind gesture for a flirtatious act. Of course, I didn't. It felt that Luke was speaking through Michael. In the moment I wanted to rid of the piercing memory, but the moment I sat alone in my silent car I yearned for a moment with Luke. Even vicariously through another person.

-

Michael's house haunted me. Memories of Luke and the rasp in his angry tone. The snarls and slammed doors. No spirit could replicate the shivers that branched out through my cold body.

Ashton squeezed my hand as we entered his home. His palm pressed against mine was an unusual feeling; one unknown. I wasn't going to say I disliked it, but it wasn't Luke. Ashton didn't do this often, but after kissing him many weeks ago it broke a physical boundary between us. We felt much closer.

"You know, I don't really like parties."

Calum and I both blankly stared over at Ashton. He was laughing at himself and we just shook our heads. We all hand a drink in our hands, only Ashton's was alcoholic. It seemed that his was already getting to him. We had only been here for an hour, but luckily I hadn't seen a sign of Luke.