Take My Hand & Don't Let Go {Kpop fanfic}

How'd you do it?

Jinyoung wants to laugh at himself, of course he wouldn't want to come back. What is he even expecting? When broken heart leader returned with puffy eyes along with their centre and aegyo boy, why was he not surprised? Maybe because he would've done the same if he had been Daehwi.

For Jisung, it hurt. So bad.

The way the younger cowers in fear at the very sight of them, how he looked so darn shocked when they apologized. And it pains him, seeing how he clung to the other leader and the other boy, clearly trusting them more than he trusted his own bandmates.

He thought to himself, it should've been him, it should've been them. He replays every moment he did Daehwi dirty.

_

"Hyung.......did you see my sweater?"

"Daehwi, you should at least try to not lose your things"

_

Daehwi sat alone across the practice room, eyes blank in deep thoughts

"Stop it already, we won't pity you dammit"

He didn't stop them, in fact he secretly smiles inside

"Knock it off Jihoon, leave him alon-be. Just leave him be"

Jisung rolled his eyes, why do you even care Daniel?

_

"Daehwi get up we're leaving in 5!!"

Daehwi obeys without a word

"Hyung he hasn't had breakfast yet, why didn't you wake him?"

"Daniel he's 17, he should know better than to expect someone to take care of him all the time"

But he treated Jaehwan, Sungwoon and the rest of hyung line just like the maknaes

_

Daehwi volunteered to do the dishes, despite not even there eating with them

"You know this doesn't change the fact, I still think Samuel or Seonho should've make it instead of you right?"

But it was the first time Daehwi actually answered him off camera, and the first time he was surprised and may have felt guilty

"I know"

_

And days goes on, each of them had begun to feel the empty spot Daehwi had left. It was weird for Jaehwan, Seongwoo and Minhyun to go in their working room but not see Daehwi stressing himself out at the keyboard.

It feels off for Sungwoon and Jinyoung every time they stayed in their room, knowing a part of the drawers are empty and the bed on the top bunk remained untouched and empty.

Jisung didn't realize he constantly prepares one portion extra every now and then only to realize, he's not there anymore, he was late to do the things he should've done.

Daniel didn't like it when he return to the dorms but not see the younger huddled by himself on the couch with earphones in while reading something on his phone. It was weird when they learn a new dance and there's no one getting it right immediately because it had always been Daehwi.

Jihoon just keep to himself, his eyes always look at where Daehwi always sat on his own, far away from them. He walks over, sat down and looks at where the group usually hangs. Jihoon feels goosebumps as he could almost feel the loneliness, the feeling of being excluded, unwanted, unneeded.

He could feel his tears spilling, is this how he felt? If it were Jihoon, he'll go mad, batshit mad. He couldn't stay this way for more than a minute. It felt too cold, too lonely, and to think Daehwi went through it for nearly a year without a word.

What a huge asshole he had been

And he remembers, the way Daehwi looked at him with the most fear, as if he's afraid he might hit him. How he clung to that other boy as if his life had depended on him, then they heard his stories, his past attempts. How could they hurt-No, they broke him, teared him apart mercilessly.

"Daehwi.... forgive me.....I'm so sorry" he sobs and sobs but no one came, the room was empty.

Is this how he felt? No, probably much much worse. To have no one to rely on, to believe no one cared and that oneself wasn't worth or deserving of care. To cry and sob so hard yet there'll be no one to give you a hand.

Maybe today he'll just learn what Lee Daehwi feels, how Lee Daehwi lives

How he was able to endure all this suffocating shit yet pull a smile for the fans,

How he was able to keep everything bottled up for so long because Jihoon knows, he for one, couldn't.

Today Park Jihoon learns what's it like to be ¼ of who Lee Daehwi is

One questions remains in his mind, even only subtly experiencing what the younger went through

"How'd you do it? To feel like you're dying but still looked fine. Just how did you do it.....?"