Such an ordinary family

Just like before

December was approaching fast, bringing the usual festive ambiance along.
Dean had never really liked this period of the year that much and if not for the children, Christmas would have been an ordinary day.
He looked forward to the end of the year to resume a normal life and avoid thinking about the same things again: his mother, Tessa, all the ones he had loved and who weren't there to share these moments with him... Those who wouldn't see his kids grow up and see how he had managed to go on with his life despite the painful burden of their absence.

He looked at Apache running in the park and sighed.
Tonight, Lisa was coming over for supper... She had slowly begun to take her place among them, despite the fact that the children were keeping their distance and Castiel was often absent when she came over. However, he was never rude to her and Lisa seemed to like him. But that was the extent of their interaction, no more. The feeling was cordial, because that was in their nature and they both loved Dean beyond reason.
Nevertheless, Dean knew they'd never become friends... Only Tessa had manage to forge that special link between so different people.
He took a deep breath...That's why he hated this season's holidays. All he could do was wondering about the choices he had made, as if he had spent the previous month analyzing the last year of his life.
Tessa had taken the place of his mother and listened to his doubts.
One year. That year when he thought he'd lost everything.
It all came back to him like a slap in the face.
The assault on Castiel... The arrival of Lisa in his life... His fear of death. His fear of living again.

Living again... Loving again... In a few days, it'd be four months since they had met.
Four months they were building up a relationship, step by step.
She had finally told him she loved him. He had felt overwhelmed as well as scared because he was unable to tell her the same... Only Tessa had heard these words from him.
Why? Why did he feel unable to cross that final line meanwhile he had crossed all the others?
Tessa's shadow still lingered in his world, but was it the ultimate reason?
Lisa shared his life all right, yet he had a hard time determining which part of it?
He rubbed his neck and let out a deep sigh.
« Tessa, my love... You filled the whole place. How am I supposed to let her in now? » he smiled to himself, feeling a bit sad and bitter about the whole situation.
He cared about Lisa, a lot, but did he truly love her?
They had talked, she said she understood, she said their love was real, that it was just a little different. All love stories have their unique nature, right?
He had introduced her to his children, his friends. She shared the same dreams and hopes.
They called each other every day, unable to stand more than twenty-four hours without hearing each other. Wasn't it love too?
Dean couldn't get rid of the turmoil eating him from the inside... with such pervasiveness... Did he love her or was he just afraid of being alone?
Lisa was fighting a ghost of flesh and blood in addition to another one from the past... The fight had been lopsided truncated... From the very beginning. Yet she wanted to believe she could make it, despite Dean's doubts, because these doubts were also what she loved in Dean.

www

When Dean returned from the park, the first thing he heard was the laughter that came from the kitchen... He untied Apache who ran straight ahead.
He took off his jacket and smiled to the cries of the children, surprised by the dog.
« Apache....NO! » Castiel's voice... Chadwick's voice mingled with his sister's.
Why ask himself so many questions? He nodded...
He decided to give himself time to grieve, time to make up his mind, time to live one day at a time... As long as he'd come home and hear those voices, his life would make sense.
An ordinary life... His ordinary life.

« Hi everyone » He put a big smile on his face.
« Hi Dad » Chadwick replied, taking a bite in his slice of pie.
« Is this pie? And nobody invited me? » He complained with a fake outraged expression, ruffling through his son's hair.
« Sit down and eat, you pieaholic! » Castiel put a plate in front of him.
Dean rubbed his hands in anticipation and cut a slice of apple and raisin pie.
It was like an old time tea party, sharing laughters, telling about the day's events. Just sharing good times among the four of them.
Castiel smiled, his head resting on his hand, elbow on the table.
« Dad? » Chadwick started
« Yes? » Dean swallowed and turned to him.
« There's the parade on Sunday. »
« A parade? ... So? » He started to fear what was coming next.
« We'd like to go again this year »
« Don't tell me you wanna go to the city parade? The one with the ugliest Santa of all times! » He frowned.
« That's the one... » His son replied with a smile.
« I thought you hated this lame demonstration! » He cut himself another piece of pie.
« We could go there all together, as we used to » Chadwick said, looking at his empty plate.
Dean didn't reply and looked at Castiel. His silence was as eloquent as an answer.
« Indeed, we haven't done anything together for ages. I'm in. » he winked at his son.
« For real? » Chadwick couldn't contain his joy. « Great! » He jumped from his seat and rushed into his father's arms who just sit there, speechless. He hadn't expected such enthusiasm from his kid and it moved him more than he had thought possible.
« You're welcome, son » he finally said, hugging him tight, closing his eyes, tenderly patting him on the back.
« Cool... » Jewel added « We're gonna see Santa »
« Mmm yeah... I just hope this one will be in a better shape than the one last year» he smiled at his daughter as Chadwick was pulling away from his embrace.
« Are you free on Sunday? » he asked Castiel.
« Even if I weren't, I'd cancel everything else. I'd never miss to see the most stoned Santa of the century. »
Dean started to laugh.
« Asshole! » He stood up. « We'll go on Sunday, then »
Castiel had a twitched smile, but his eyes were sparkling, just like old times.
Dean smiled in return, yet he felt a twinge of sorrow.