Vicious circle. I can name what is happening to me as vicious circle. I made the same mistakes again. I re-joined this farm again, I got into some rituals that supposedly should heal my soul.
Betty was terrified about how much I got involved in the farm and how much I changed my approach to some things.
"You have to forget your past, Betty," I repeated her stubbornly, as if I was in a trance. I didn't understand why Betty was outraged.
FP was very pleased with this turn of things because our sex has never been as good as it is now. The people from the farm helped me open up to new experiences.
Edgar "taught" me and I listened to him. I was like a sheep following her shepherd, but it didn't bother me.
"Edgar didn't hurt me at all," I told Betty and FP once. "It's only my migrene pills that have caused hallucinations"
"Alice, I saw how he treated you when I was picking you up from the farm."
"I'm guilty myself. Now my daughter gets seizure and hallucinations through my stupid mistakes and stress"
"You are impossible, mom. You act like a madwoman," Betty shouted and went to her room.
"DON'T be a drama Queen, Betty!" I shouted at her.
~~~~~
The next day, I arranged a walk with Edgar. I couldn't tell my daughter about it because she would consider me insane. Anyway, she thinks I am crazy already.
I dressed myself with long, red hippie-style dresses and a bright sweater with pink flowers.
"Are you going somewhere?" Betty came into my bedroom and stood in the door.
"Yes" I said when I finished painting my lips with lipstick. "I'm going shopping," I replied.
"I don't like the fact that you put on such clothes again" I sighed quietly when I heard my daughter's words.
"Betty, please" I looked at her and she raised her hands in a defensive gesture.
"It's your life, mom" she shrugged. "If you get involved again, I swear to you that you will lose your daughter," she added, and I dropped the lipstick on the floor.
"Betty, what are you talking about?" I got up and came closer to my daughter, terrified of what she has just said. My heart started beating dangerously. "You can't do this to me," I whispered and hugged my daughter tightly.
"Mom" Betty stepped away from me and looked at me. "It was so good and you ruin everything again. Why did you come back to this cult again? To suffer again? They are brainwashing you!" she added, and I shook my head.
"They won't do it, we're just talking." I answered and bit my tongue. I just told my daughter that I'm meeting people from the farm.
"I knew it" Betty snarled and laughed through her tears.
"Betty, I can explain it," I started, but my daughter interrupted me.
"No, mom," she answered and stepped away from me. "I don't want a mother like that. I don't want to see you right now." She ran out of my room, and I broke my tears from my eyes and left the house quickly.
"Something is bothering you," Edgar said. We met at the river to talk about a few things.
"Yes, my daughter" I shrugged and looked at the ducks floating in the water.
" Is something wrong with her?"
"Everything is fine with her but I'm afraid that the problem is in me."
YOU ARE READING
I want you back - EDITED
Fanfiction"The tea you drank, has a calming effect." I heard his calm voice and nodded. "Get some sleep, Alice, I promise I will not do anything to you. You can trust me ..." I heard nothing more because I saw darkness in front of my eyes. ~~~ *Edgar Everneve...
