namjoon is online! ↬ namjin [nio: BOOK 1/2]

↬ xlv.

while jin was helping namjoon pick up the papers, he noticed something that made him a bit worried.

but, he said nothing about it. he wasn't sure.

they moved around things in the house, organizing stuff and wiping off their hands as they finished. "thanks." namjoon spoke, rubbing his arm sort of nervously. as he did so, it lifted the sleeve of his white sweater up a little bit, and jin swore he saw two red cuts.

he wanted to make sure, but he didn't want to suddenly jump on namjoon and scare the shit out of him. so he quickly thought about how to make sure he didn't see what he thought he saw.

he had an idea. "hey, how about we do the dishes?"

namjoon looked at jin confusedly. "it's just- i noticed your sink was full. thought we could clean it up."

the younger nodded slowly, seeming to get worried about it.

they walked into the kitchen and jin went to the mat next to the sink. "you wash. i'll dry." he said. namjoon turned on the sink and reached in to grab a plate. "aren't you going to pull up your sleeves? they'll get soaked if you don't." he said.

namjoon did so, keeping his lower arms inside the sink where jin couldn't see them. suddenly, he flinched and pulled his arms back. "hey-" jin started.

he pulled namjoon's arm, forgetting that it would turn him towards jin. "are you oka-" he froze.

there was much more than just two red cuts.

perhaps over a dozen of them, going up his arm, reaching his elbow and finally coming to a stop. he watched as watery tears surrounded namjoon's eyes, threatening to fall. jin examines every cut.

with a look of shock, and sadness, jin spoke in stutters.

"d-did.. did you.." he tried to get out.

namjoon squinted his eyes and the built up tears finally spilled. they ran down his cheeks, onto his chin, then lightly dripping down onto the cuts.

"i-i didn't want to tell you-" namjoon said, and jin could hear the sobs moving up his throat, ready to explode.

and they hit. pretty hard, as well. he tilted his head down, disappointed in himself.

jin took joon's hand and lead him to his bedroom. he sat him down on the bed, sitting directly in front of him. the younger hung his head and jin lifted his hand, gently pushing up on his chin, making him look up slowly.

jin, while his own eyes watered, cupped namjoon's face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe his tears.

"darling..." he said, soothing namjoon's panic.

"i'm not angry. i'm just scared."

namjoon squinted his eyes again, lifting one of his hands and placing it over jin's.

"i'm just scared.." jin said, a few teardrops escaping. "..scared that you'll do something. i'm scared that something will happen and i won't be there to help you. i'm scared that i won't be enough to calm you down when you panic. i'm scared, scared that-"

he paused. joon waited anxiously for him to finish.

"-i'm afraid that you'll cut yourself up too much."

***