30 Days Without You// Randy Fanfic

Prologue

Dear Diary,

I'm sick of it, everything there's no escape from the circle of stress that I'm stuck in. I keep trying to calm myself tell myself everything will be ok. But it's useless lying to yourself, it won't be ok...

I wish I could live my life with a different brain, with different thoughts because my life is amazing I have everything I need and more, I have a perfect family, perfect friends, perfect band mates it's just my head that's messed up.

Every tour we go on I can't enjoy, instead of seeing all the fans happy smiling faces I just see my own insecurities reflected in their eyes. Instead of hearing them scream and sing I can only hear the raging thoughts inside my head. 'They don't want to see you Andy only the other boys!' 'You're pathetic Andy Fowler!" "You can't sing like the rest of them!" I can't shut down the thoughts only quieten them down. But they're always there.

Some mornings I struggle to get out of bed because I know the day is just going to be the same as the one before. Hell, for me at least. The fake smile plastered on my face is starting to ache, I hate having to keep up this pretence, but I don't want the rest of my band to know. Mainly because they'd probably hate me call me a freak for been so messed up. That or they'd worry to much.

I went to a therapist, in secret of course, he told me to write everything down in a diary so that's what I'm doing now. I don't know if it's working if anything it makes me feel even worse reading what I wrote after, and realising how awful my brain really is.

I have an amazing life why aren't I grateful? I should be grateful, but I can't.

I feel like I'm constantly been attacked in waves of my own insecurities, my depression and of my anxiety. I can hide it now but not for much longer or else I will drown...

I just wish I could runaway...

So I'm writing two stories at once😬 but hope you'll like this Randy one! I'm writing this one on my own and it's called "30 days without you," hope you enjoy it!! Xxx
@tvrtnhc