we're both fallin!

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as soon as i kissed him, i felt guilt building up in the pit of my stomach. this wasn't right and i knew it. but somehow, i wasn't able to break the kiss. it felt right, being here with him. he made my stomach flutter and my toes curl every time i saw him. and kissing him, here in the dark, there wasn't anything else that i wanted more. i pulled him closer to me, trying to erase the thought out kaleb out of my head. i wanted to enjoy this moment with peter, feel his hands on my back going up to my bra.

but i couldn't. i kissed and kissed peter, but kaleb still circled my mind. i felt as if he was here with me right now, begging me to stop. telling me how much he liked me and i couldn't do it to him. he made me happy, he made me all warm inside every time his eyes landed on me. every kiss with kaleb was perfect, warm and soft. he made me travel the world in those few seconds with him.

every single though out of him overpowered me and i pushed peter away. my eyes started welling up with tears and i sat down at the edge of the bed. i didn't need this, i didn't need peter to come and make me feel like alive. i didn't need that. so i looked at him, his eyes full of confusion and passion, and asked him, "why?"

"why what?" he replied, sitting beside me and placing a hand on my thigh. i slapped his hand away and stood up, "why?! why are you doing this?! i'm happy with kaleb and you just-you think you can just come in here and ruin all of that?!"

he stood silent, and the air seemed to build up with tension, "you had her chance and you blew it! and i'm not going to blow what kaleb and i have. especially not for you!"

he opened his mouth to say something but closed it, nothing leaving his mouth. i shook my head and left him in my room. i ran outside only to be stopped by kaleb. he held my hand and his face made me start crying even harder. he was so defenseless, so loving and all i had done was hurt him. i couldn't bare it and all i wanted to do was run away but instead i let my body fall onto him.

"what wrong?" he asked softly, running his fingers through my hair. i loved this. i loved him.

i wanted to lie and say that nothing happened, but i couldn't lie to him. he was too sweet to be lied to and soon enough he would find out anyway. i looked up at him and kissed him deeply, taking in every single thing about him. i remembered every single feature on his face, the way he smelled and i finally, "please don't hate me. i-i love you."

he smiled and kissed me back softly, "gosh, i love you too astrid."

"no." i whimpered out, "i-i kissed peter."

he let go of me in an instant and at that exact moment, i felt any warmth in my body leave me. my eyes began to grow tired and i began to shake lightly. i knew what he was going to say "how could you?! i have you everything, i did everything to make you happy! and you repay me with this?! i-i can't believe you! i never want to see you again!" and then he'd leave and i'd he left alone, my heart breaking. but instead he looked at me and shook his head, "okay. i-i need to go."

i began to sob in front of him. he began to walk away and i walked after him letting the tears flow, no longer caring, "please." i cried, "don't. i'm so sorry and i hate myself for it. i never meant to do that. please."

he just ignored me and kept on walking, "please kaleb!"

he turned back around and his face was no longer soft and sweet like before. his face no longer held the same love that it held, though i could still see a hint of love in his eyes. i knew he was trying so hard not to yell at me, to forgive me and not care, but he couldn't. i had hurt him too much and my heart started break more, as if it even was possible.

"astrid stop! i can't do this right now, okay?! you cheated on me with that douchebag and i don't think there's much else to discuss." he told me. i shook my head and ran up to him, grabbing his hand and crying into it, "please, don't leave me. i'll make it up to you, but please-"

"hey!" i heard a voice say and i turned around to look at peter walking to us, "you don't have to beg him to say with you! if he really loved you, he'd forgive you. you clearly love him."

i felt myself fuming and i stood up and yelled at peter to stop to leave and finally, "i hate you!"

and that was true. i hated him. he had ruined everything good in my life. i had ruined everything good in my life.