we're both fallin!

47

i was sitting in the living room with kaleb during our thanksgiving dinner. somehow, the entire house was full with people. my parents were friends with basically everyone so a lot of people in my year decided to come. it wasn't my typical thanksgiving, but it was alright. i was surrounded by a lot of my best friends and some not so friends, like peter kavinsky.

"dude, you're crazy." he said to me after i had told him that i thought t'challa was hotter than erik killmonger. it was kind of loud so he had to shout a little at me, "have you seen the guy? micheal b jordan is a whole meal."

i laughed and poked his cheek as i said, "are you sure you're not into boys?" he laughed along with me, "well, seeing you, im only into you."

i smiled and grabbed his face, pecking him on the lips. he was truly so beautiful, funny, and the perfect boy for me. it's crazy because i never knew that i could like someone as much as him, especially after peter. i don't quite understand why i ever really liked peter, he was so popular and rude. kaleb, on the other hand, was the school's soccer varsity star and yet he was so kind and humble.

but for some reason, every time i'd catch myself making eye contact with peter, i didn't care about kaleb. every time i saw peter walk by, my legs would tremble and my heart would start beating quickly, something that has never happened to me when i saw kaleb. i wanted to be with peter, but kaleb? i wanted to marry kaleb. i had only known kaleb for a month or so, but his personality made me fall for him instantly, to the point where i had to say yes to him on the first month of knowing him. i had to be able to kiss him, hold his hand, but i still wasn't sure. was my affection for kaleb not enough? not enough to make me forget about stupid peter?

i guess not because when peter texted me a couple of minutes after that, i told kaleb that i had to go to the bathroom. i walked into my room, as he had told me to do so. he had on light-wash jeans and a blue shirt. his hair was slightly ruffled and he was cracking his fingers nervously. he hadn't seen me when i had come in so i cleared my throat so that he looked up, which he did.

his eyes widened and a small smile appeared on his face. he walked up to me, our bodies only inches away from each other. i was looking up at him, my eyes trailing back and forth between his eyes and his lips. i snapped out of it after a while of us just standing there saying nothing, and i brought my hand up to his chest and pushed him slightly, making myself move backwards as well.

"why did you tell me to meet you here?" i asked, playing with my fingers nervously now. he ran a hair trough his hair and sighed. he grabbed my hands, making sure to keep some distance between us so that i wouldn't push him away completely. the feeling of his hands around mine made goosebumps trail up my arms, why did he have this effect on me?

"don't kill me, okay?" he said softly, chuckling. i laughed a little and nodded, "i won't kill you."

he began to fidget a little, looking down at our hands intertwined, "i-" he began to say, but started choking on his words. he looked up at me and took on of his hands to caress my cheek, he took in a long breath and then said, "you know, i tried. i tried not to smile every time you did. i tried not to get nervous whenever i saw you. i tried to make my heart stop beating so quickly when we held hands. i tried to stop myself from kissing you every second of the day. i tried so hard. i tried to not fall for you."

"but, seeing you look so beautiful." he stopped and pushed him closer to him, "i just can't. i can't stop falling for you, astrid. you're so beautiful, inside and out. you make me so happy and i want to be with you, forever. i want to be able to call you mine, genuinely. i want to be able to kiss you and have it let mean something much more. i just want you, and only you."

i stood silently, staring at our hands and i realized that i didn't really know what to say. and so i said nothing.

i just kissed him.