Tainted

Chapter Twenty-Five - Rogue

Lev bats her long lashes at Rogue. A warmth stirs in the pit of his stomach. He leans down and kisses her forehead, right between her antlers.

"Not tonight," he says, keeping his eyes half-closed in the way he knows she likes.

Lev stares at him, her green eyes glittering. "Why not?" she asks. Her voice is low and husky. Rogue always liked the sound of it, especially when they were—

"I have to speak with Sailor," Rogue answers.

Lev sticks her lip out in a pout. "About her?" she asks.

Rogue smiles. "Jealous are you?" he asks.

Lev's eyes burn. "No," she says firmly. She looks quickly in the direction Thief disappeared. "Is there something I should be jealous about?"

Rogue looks in the same direction. "I don't know, maybe," he says, knowing it will make Lev mad.

It does. She tightens her grip around his waist. "You're awful," she says.

Rogue grins. He runs his tongue slowly against his teeth, watching Lev's eyes follow the motion. "Yes," he says, letting the "s" hang in the air, "but you like it."

Lev's mouth parts in a little "o". She's still watching his tongue.

Rogue backs away, his hand trailing along her shoulders. "I'll be back," he says, knowing full well he won't be.

Lev nods. She keeps her eyes fixed on him, but Rogue knows the moment he turns his back, she'll be searching the crowd for Dem.

Tanymede catches his eye and beckons him over. Rogue sighs heavily, but makes his way over to where she stands with Vates, her hand resting on the Elf's arm.

"Any word?" Tanymede asks. She's older, with creases marking the edges of her eyes and lips, but there's an intelligence to her that commands respect.

"No," Rogue says, though it hurts to admit it.

Tanymede nods, taking it in. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"That doesn't mean she's dead," Rogue says angrily. He can feel his temper flaring up in his chest.

It doesn't. Just because they haven't heard any word on Esmeralda does not mean she's dead. The Scout's searching for her right now. In a few days, they might bring her back and then everything will be fine once again. It will all be fine.

"Rogue," Tanymede says quietly.

Rogue's nostrils flare. He doesn't look at her.

"She may be," Tanymede says.

Rogue can feel himself shaking. He balls his hands into fists. "No," he says, and storms away. He doesn't give Tanymede a second glance.

"Sailor," Rogue says, walking past the boy shoveling bread into his mouth.

Sailor looks up. He only needs to see the expression on Rogue's face to know he should follow.

Sailor leaves behind his food and wobbles after Rogue, his feet seemingly unsteady on the sand.

"Wha?" Sailor asks when they're a distance away from the rest.

Rogue chews his lip. Other than Esmeralda, Sailor's the only person Rogue can be himself around. Everyone else looks to Rogue to be a strong, shadow-may-care leader, and he needs them to think that. He needs them to think that he doesn't care, because it helps him pretend that he doesn't.

But he cares about Esmeralda, and he cared a whole kata about Baleon. And Baleon died. And he didn't have to.

Rogue takes a breath to calm himself down. He hides his face in his hands. Sailor comes up behind him and rubs his back.

"I know," Sailor says.

Rogue's shoulders shake. His hands grow wet.

He can't lose her, not yet. She was the only one who believed in him, the only one who saw his worth. She was the only one who knew he wouldn't leave, when the rest of them only saw him as a liability.

He needs her. How is he supposed to lead these people without her? He couldn't even lead his own family, let alone an entire community of strangers.

"I have to go search for her," Rogue says, his voice muffled.

Sailor takes only a moment to respond. "When do we leave?" he asks.

Rogue shakes his head. "Not this time. I need you to stay. I need you to look after Thief."

Sailor's hand is still rhythmically moving against Rogue's back. It's soothing in a way only Sailor can be.

"I like her," Sailor says.

This makes Rogue laugh. "I do too." She's just like me.

Rogue's thoughts sour. "But she wants to go home to her father," he says.

Sailor takes a longer moment to respond. "Yae won' lose her," Sailor says quietly, "even if shae goes home. Shae'll still care abou' Haven. I know it."

Rogue nods, but he doesn't have the same blind faith in Haven's newest pseudo-resident that Sailor does. Then again, Rogue's never had blind faith in anyone, except for Esmeralda. And his parents, but that faith died a long time ago.

"Thanks. I'll take Achnós, he'll blend in with the shadows," Rogue says. He takes a few calming breaths, before straightening his spine. "You and Tanymede are in charge. I don't know when I'll be back."

Rogue rolls his shoulder and takes off toward the horses. He'll ride Achnós long into the night until the sun begins to dawn, and then he'll look for a place to rest and listen, before beginning again in the evening, making his way toward the capital.

He'll find Esmeralda, he has to. Otherwise his Fate will be true, and he truly will be on his own.