Why Don't I Write You A Poem

Ignore This

I'm a nuisance, not funny, I'm annoying.
Come on, when's the last time I wasn't boring?
I spend all my time alone but what's the point?
It's still awful, I'm not 2 faced like a coin.
I wish I could spend all of my time sleeping.
I've already spent too many hours awake weeping.
I'm so bored of myself, sleep is interesting.
I feel dead, I know I'm not, it's pestering.
And when's the last time I came up in conversation?
I wish I was brought up more with dedication.
Where I live feels like a distant home.
I have to keep running but I'm moving in slow mo.
I've seen the sun, I don't have curtains.
Leaving my room never seems worth it.
I've dug my grave deep, I've layed in it.
No one wants to bury me, even after the bullshit.
Maybe they all forgot about me, hell I did too.
Guess I'll bury myself, gives me something to do.
I'm not depressed, my smiles genuine, see?
I'm fine it's not forced so leave me be.
Shit if I was fine maybe someone would talk to me.
Maybe that false hope could be enough to believe,
That I'm not some garbage thrown away by the queens men!
I'm just a reject among cowards that sin.
I'm just as good as anyone, I deserve to be free!
No one is better or worse than me
I get upset so they bet they can put me down.
It makes sense I'm the easiest target around.
I'm not made of gold I'm not worth much.
I'm made of diamond, only I can hurt myself as such!
I dug this grave, no one else did this!
They just can't see, they didn't notice.
They forgot about me cause I hide away.
If I went out more they'd have more to say!

Lets take a step back, this ain't no fairytale.
Things don't get better, I won't get well.
"You are whatever you let yourself be!"
I'll let myself die so maybe they will see.
If I really mattered they would come and get me.
If they really cared they wouldn't leave me without company!
The only thing that's ever said to me;
The tv screen asking "Are you still watching?"
I turn that shit off, I'm so tired of the mocking.
The only sound now is this gun cocking.
I'm so forgotten where I live never gets broken into.
Not that I have much, my apartment offers as much as I do.
Nothing. Maybe some trash here and there.
I see my reflection, but I don't wanna stare.
"If you don't like yourself then just change."
How do I become someone else, are you deranged?
I could pull this trigger and hope to be reborn.
It's all black, nothing's here, I could've sworn...
Is dying really worth it? Just to feel ok?
I'm sure I'd be talked about, maybe for a day.
But I'd still feel nothing, it'd be a waste.
I could just try it anyway, just in case.
I wouldn't be missed, I'm not now and I'm alive!
It's too bad I wouldn't do anything to survive.