Rats in the Pipes

37: Conversations

I don't know how long I slept but when I came round I realised I was still fully dressed and wrapped in Per's arms in pretty much the same position as we'd fallen on to the bed last night. As soon as Per had slid the screen shut we had simply collapsed into each other's arms and then on to the bed. I'd obviously gone out like a light and so must he. I didn't want to wake him but my left arm was completely numb. I tried a cautious movement and Per's eyes fluttered open. He half smiled and shut them again. My arm was still trapped so I simply yanked it out from under him. His eyes opened again and this time I could tell he was awake.

"Sorry needed my arm back." I rolled over and rubbed it as it started tingling. Per propped himself up yawning

"We didn't even get undressed. We must have been exhausted." I nodded stifling a yawn of my own. He leant over and brushed the hair out of my eyes "How are you feeling?"

"I think yesterday was probably the most emotionally draining day I have ever had."

He raised his eyebrows "Really? Worse than being hunted by Foran Tesh Viks' guards?"

"Well not the worst in that sense. That was terror pure and simple but yesterday was a complete mixture all packed into one day."

He considered this while we rearranged ourselves back into a cuddle "I suppose that does make sense. The whole day was highs and lows, the excitement and joy, then the grief. On top of that we haven't physically recovered from the journey."

"Not to mention the guilt of breaking the news without being able to share the intensity of their grief and I felt bad about feeling hungry when they were all in a state of shock."

He grinned and shook his head "You and your guilt. Don't fret about the fact you didn't feel the grief as intensely as they did because for us it's old news. After all Jan lost his mother but he was eating as much if not more than us. It's because he's had turns, months, to come to terms with the grief. So have you."

"You know me so well." I kissed his right shoulder which was the bit of him that was next to my mouth and tightened my arms round him. "What about you? How do you feel about finding out Arn is you father?"

"All sorts of weird emotions. He's a stranger with whom I have an intimate connection. It feels very odd to find I have family after all." He stopped and ran his fingers down the side of my face then lifted my chin and kissed me gently "No, I should have said finding I have a blood relative because I already have a family, you and Mik. Nothing and no-one could replace that."

"I love you so much. I don't say it often enough but I feel it every time I look at you or think about you. I just have this feeling I should pinch myself to make sure I'm not curled up in the studio dreaming." I started laughing as a thought struck me. "Now I think of it I feel guilty that I didn't go back to the depot to hand in my tak."

Per gaped at me. "What?"

"Yes I should have thanked Dom profusely for sending me down to 48 to meet the love of my life, just before I shoved the tak card right up his arse."

That was it we were gone. We rolled about on the bed laughing like lunatics in between kissing each other. When we paused to catch our breath Per became serious for a moment

"I love being here. We can live openly together and give Mik a proper childhood free from fear. It gives me a sense of profound unreality. Except it is reality and I am slowly coming to terms with how wonderful it feels." His hand slid up under my tunic "And I'm a convert to the idea of dresses" he added huskily "Jan is right, dresses are great. They provide all sorts of opportunities and possibilities."

I retaliated by trailing my fingers slowly up the back of his thighs "They're called tunics and I can't quite picture you in frills" I spluttered between giggles mostly due to the fact that he was now tickling me in a sensitive place.