Brains and Brawn (BxB)

Chapter 27

"No, yeah, it's ok. So umm, why are you exactly?"

"Righ, so, at the party you talked to me about Harry and it helped more than you know, I was struggling and even when you didn't know that, you still helped. And I asked Harry out. You didn't give me the idea but you did give me that last push, and maybe that was the most important step. So now, as Leo's friend, I'm here to tell you that maybe you're not making that much of a right choice you think you are."

"Carter, trust me, I know I didn't make the easy choice, but I'm trying to think about the future. I don't want to get even more hurt. More than that, I really, really don't want to hurt Leo. So please, Carter, please  don't make me regret it even more than I already do."

"Ok," Carter says. "It's your choice, your life, your decisions. Just thought you should know that Leo is hurting too, and maybe all this hurt is unnecessary."

And with that he gets inside his car again and drives off, leaving me to think of everything I may have done wrong.

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Today is the day. The day I've been dreading since my dad has died. Today is my dad's birthday.

The first birthday I ever spent without him and I'm going mad. I really don't know what to do. I'm lost. And doing everything like a robot. I woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, made breakfast for Chris and then woke him up and took him to Mrs. Pemberton's house because I couldn't look after him today, as horrible as I feel about that.

So I went out to seek comfort. I went to Macy's house and she called John and we had a small movie marathon, and for awhile I forgot about how shitty my life is. But I didn't want to stay for long, so I left and told them I wanted to be alone. And it was true, I needed some time to think about everything. So I go to the only place I can think of right now: The clearing where Leo and I had our first date.

That was probably one of the best days of my life. And that place doesn't hold any bad memories, only good ones, so maybe that's a good place to go.

And so I cry, and I think about my dad, what I'll do with Chris if I go to college and most of all, I think about Leo. Of what Carter said, and maybe I really did make a mis-

My thoughts are interrupted by a snap of a twig and I immediately turn around and see Leo with his back to me as if he was trying to leave unnoticed.

"Sorry," he starts. "I didn't know you were gonna be here."

"Yeah...sorry, I kinda stole your spot, I just wanted to clear my head..."

"It's not exactly my spot...It's not like I own it or anything."

He seems to notice my face now, that must be puffy and red from all the crying.

"Jesus, Matt, what happened?" He seems hesitant when he asks that, like he doesn't know if he should come and sit next to me or just turn around and leave.

I should have known he would choose the former no matter what. I mean, it's Leo we're talking about, of course he's gonna stay until he's sure I'm ok.

And so he sits next to me, "Do you wanna talk about whatever that is that got you in a bad mood?"

God, this just reminds me of how much I love him and it's making me feel even more guilty! He's so nice, "I broke up with you, you should hate me."

"Matthew, I could never hate you. Obviously, I'm mad that you broke up with me, for that reason nonetheless. But I do understand why you did it. And I do respect your decision," I nod, glad that he understands. "But that doesn't mean I can't try and change your mind. And you can be sure I'm going to try everything in my power to get you back, Matthew, because I am madly in love with you. But not right now. You're obviously not ok. So, do you want to talk about it?"