Why Don't I Write You A Poem

The Daily Fight

"Why don't you spill it out here? You weren't paying attention in class anyway."

"I don't want to think about this right now."

"You don't have a choice. Depression isn't a choice."

"I don't have the energy to be sad. I didn't sleep last night because of this shit."

"You didn't want to sleep."

"No, but I needed to. You wouldn't let me. Peaceful music became annoying and living became optional."

"You've always hated your life."

"I know. I didn't have a choice. I can pretend I'm better than I am but that's just pretend."

"Exactly. Everyone else decides your worth. They all hate you."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes I do. That's why you're alone."

"I'm alone because of you! You make me push everyone away!"

"No one tries to come back. You aren't worth the effort."

"I know but-"

"You aren't worth their time or energy."

"I know but-"

"They don't deem you important! You see them out with their friends all the time! They don't even invite you!"

"I-... I know..."

"Why do you think they dont invite you? Hm? They don't like you. Why don't they like you? You're weird. A freak. A burden. Just a depressed asshole begging for attention."

"I... I try to cover it up!"

"No you don't. You just tell yourself that to cover the guilt and rejection."

"But I help people! I keep them alive!"

"Is that what you say? Because last time I checked you felt guilty for trying to save them."

"Why would I feel guilty? I'm doing good!"

"Stop lying to yourself. You want to die too. You understand their pain, or so you say. You tell yourself life isn't worth it. That people shouldn't have to suffer. That you shouldn't have to suffer."

"My therapist told me to fight these thoughts! That life is worth it!"

"Then why aren't you listening to her? You always cave in to me. You secretly love the torture."

"I hate this! I hate you! I just never felt free! I get scared!"

"Oh, please! You've felt happy. You just panic when you do. You're afraid of that free feeling. It makes you aware of yourself and you run from that. This... "outer-esteem", you already know how others feel about you. Where's your self-esteem?"

"I-"

"You hide it. You shut down your positive thoughts of yourself. You come crawling back to me like a bitch. I own you."