Come Hell or High Water | mxm

3.4

There was a silence.

Gord said quietly, "She shouldn'ta told you that."

"Well, she did," Sam said shortly. "I know what Vivid going under has done to you all."

"Sam, it don't--"

"It does matter," Sam growled. "Not only are you not being compensated, but we left you with a bunch of environmental accidents just waiting to happen in the middle of your farms. If the wells aren't being maintained—"

"Marky's been 'round the wellheads, he knows what he's lookin' for—"

"Do you think he can see everything that might go wrong, Gord?" Sam snapped. "There's a thousand metres of wellbore underground on those wells, most of which probably hasn't even been properly suspended."

"He'd see if it was anythin' serious," Gord said dryly.

Sam let out a long sigh. Moderating his tone, he went on, "Look, at this point it might be years before anything's done about it. The wells'll probably end up going to the Orphan Well Association to get put on the list for abandonment, but their inventory's already doubled since the downturn started and it's still getting worse. They're a government agency, no better off than any of the rest of the provincial government without royalty money coming in the door. They don't have the budget to handle all the abandonments piling up. I guess there's still a chance the assets could get bought through the receivership process, but I wouldn't hold my breath. The deal I was working on at the end there was a long shot then, and things are no better now."

"Don't be so hard on yerself," Gord said gently. "We'll make do."

"Can you at least understand why I don't feel comfortable coming up there right now?"

"C'mon, Sam. That really the reason? 'Cause of some stupid business you got no control over? I don't give a fuck about the wells, or the money. I care about you."

There was only quiet on the line.

"Well," Gord began, slowly. "Listen. If yer too ashamed to come up here, how 'bout if I come down there?"

"Gord..."

Doggedly, Gord went on, "Was gonna tell you this at Christmas, but-- I've been talkin' with the buddies I used to play with in Montreal. They just recorded an album. Couple of their songs were mine."

"That's—that's great," Sam managed.

"Yeah, they made 'em sound better than I coulda thought," Gord said. "And they're tourin' right now. They've asked me if I wanna join 'em for some of the western part of the tour. They'll be in Calgary end of January. Would like it if you'd come."

Sam said nothing.

"And... thought maybe I could stay with you again while I'm in town."

Sam's breathing was fractured.

"If that don't work for you, tell me when yer free. C'mon, Sam, work with me, here. Please," Gord begged.

Sam's voice came at last, sounding small. "I'm... I'm really happy for you. But I can't."

Gord was quiet for a long time.

"What are we even doing, Gord?" Sam asked, brokenly.

Softly, Gord said, "I'm guessin' yer wantin' to tell me we don't have the same idea 'bout that."

"It's just that things have changed." Sam drew a shuddering breath. "When we met, I was in the middle of breaking up with my ex, you know? I was emotionally fragile, not thinking straight. And can you say you were any better? You were so depressed, out there on the farm all alone, you'd just lost your father-- I mean, it all made sense at the time, I know that. I'm glad we met, I'm glad that this all happened. I've been really happy with you, I have. I just think--"

Sam swallowed, hard. Gord didn't say anything.

"I just think that maybe this isn't healthy for either of us. It's all happened so fast. Don't you ever feel like maybe we're just using each other to fill these holes that we don't know how to fill otherwise? Don't you think that maybe we're just clinging to this because we're afraid to be alone?"

A beat of quiet.

Then: "That really how you feel?"

"Gord--" Sam faltered, fell silent.

Finally, with a deep sadness in his voice, Gord asked, "That it, then? Yer cuttin' me loose?"

"I don't know," Sam said quietly. "I mean, neither of us really expected this to go anywhere, did we?" He didn't know why he said that. He knew the answer. Hurrying on, he said, "I guess... maybe it would be best if we just let it go here."

Another long silence.

When Gord spoke again it sounded like his throat was raw. "S'pose I promised, didn't I? Only as long as you wanted me. Guess you know where to find me if you change yer mind."

The line went dead.

Sam put his face in his hands, chest aching.

When he eventually stood up, his elbow knocked an empty brown bottle. It rattled in place for several echoing moments before it settled. Sam ignored it.