A Night To Forget (Jackson Wang FF)

Chapter 16.

  *Jackson's POV*
  JB: "Aren't you going to eat with us?" Jaebeom asked me while placing the rameyon bawls onto the table.
  ME: "Yeah I guess."
  JB: "Nice!"
  The dinner was calm, exactly what I needed. I missed this, just the seven of us talking and laughing at our sillinesses. Although I didn't feel like smiling these boys always made that somehow.
  When I was getting ready to go to bed I remembered that I had Lisa's letter in my pocket. I almost forgot about it.
  "Should I open it?" I thought. "Fuck it" I layed in my bed and opened the letter, tremblimg, afraid of the unknown.
  "Hey! It's Lisa.
  You're probably never going to read this because I don't have the balls to show you this, but if you ever read it, I just want to say that I love you. Simple as that. I always loved you. Always."
  I can't believe it... Minah was right, she really loved me.
  "It's one of those things that I can't explain. You are my strenght, the only thing that made me got up from bed every morning. But I didn't want that. I wanted to end my life."
  Lisa... why didn't you tell me that? I would've helped you somehow.
  "That's right.
  "Oh Lisa, stop being a drama queen, you have everything any girl would want!" Well, you're right, I have a wonderful family that cares about me, the most loyal best friend in the world and I have you. The only person that lights up the darkness inside me with your cheesy jokes, your hyena laugh-"
  I don't have a hyena laugh! Do I?
"-and your... everything. It seems good, right? Wrong.
  I might sound selfish but the truth is that I hate everything about my life, everything about myself."
  God no, how could you hate yourself? You were so beautiful in every way possible. If only I told you that sooner...
  "Every single one of you brings me happiness when I just want to be sad. I hate that feeling. Because of this I feel like a burden everytime I'm with you, mostly."
  Are you kidding me?! You were the most fun person to hang out with, the only one that understood me. No one is gonna be able to replace you.
  "It's hard to explain, but when you are with me the thought of ending with everything goes away and it almost feels stupid thinking about that, but when you leave, it all comes back, even worse than before and I think to myself "it's useless Lisa. Stop trying, you're just a burden. He doesn't love you.""
  Wrong! Just wrong... oh Lisa, if you ever knew how much I love you.
  "So one day, I started cutting myself."
  I noticed that scar. I asked her where she did that, she answered that was while cutting carrots. I thought it was weird, but stupidly I believed in her. I always did.
  "And for much stupid as it seems, that took the pain away, so I never did it again. Great, isn't it? Well, not really.
Everytime I was alone that terrible pain always came back, but this time, the pain wasn't alone. This time it would bring along the fear of dying. Stupid, am I right?
  Although I was afraid of dying, my mind was decided. I didn't belong to this world anymore. What was I doing here?"
  You were bringing me happiness, a reason to smile everyday, you made my mind a mess, but I loved it. You were making me a better person, but apart of that, you had a future ahead of you, so many things to be explored. We could've taken over the world.
  "But I wasn't simply going to disappear like that. I had a plan and it all started that night, at that party.
  I wanted everyone around me to hate me so they didn't miss me when I'm gone and I started with you. Jackson."
  That gave me the chills. Why me Lisa?
  "You were completely wasted that night, which was good to put my plan in action, but the consequenses weren't so good for my side.
  When I took you upstairs to the bedroom, I sat next to you and started taking my jeans off and then your shirt. After that you mumbled something that sounded like "What are you doing?" and I just shut you up.  Then I laid on the bed and put you on top of me, that's when you passed out and I started paniking and everything went acording to plan when they found us.
  Basically I wanted everyone to think that you had fingering me against my will, which now I look back and realize that was a really fucked up thing to do."
  A bunch of sudden emotions got through me. Sadness, anger, confusion. Why? Is all I can ask.
  "Anyways, I wanted you to hate me for making that up, but as you didn't remember anything you just believed in my fake story and, thankfully, my plan was runnied.
  Lastly I just want to apologize for being apart of your life and for making her miserable."
  Lisa... I would never hate you. Never. And you did not made my life miserable. You made her a million times better.
  I am the one who has to apologize for not paying attention to the signs you left.
  After reading Lisa's letter I looked at the window. The sky was filled with stars that remind me of her. I know how much she loved them and now she is one of them.
  ME: "I love you too Lisa."

Author's note:
Finally the truth came out. What do you think of Lisa's choices?
See you!~