A patient smile rests across his face. "I'm waiting," he says.
"The baby is Adam's," I say with a smile, knowing that those words will confuse him all the more.
"What? You're pregnant to Adam?" Yep, that is confusion. He is stumped! It is just so cute!
I manage to keep a straight face. "No, not yet. But he asked me and I'm still weighing up the options. He and Matt eventually want to be parents and he asked me."
"Through IVF, right?"
Silly question, Luis.
"No... we're going to have sex!" I laugh.
"Really? But... Adam's gay!"
I cannot stop laughing. "I'm joking, Luis. Relax."
"So you're not going to have his baby?"
I sigh and sit down at the table. I turn down the music just a little so he can hear me and gesture for him to join me. "Adam asked me yesterday, I'm still thinking it over and yes, it will be through IVF," I say.
"So, it would be your baby, too? Like your eggs and stuff, right?"
"Maybe? I don't know. But if I did, Adam said that he would want me to be its mother," I explain to him.
"How does his boyfriend feel about that? I mean, you and Adam... you would be parents to each other's kid."
"Apparently, he's okay with it. I mean, it's anything far from conventional... But it would be providing Adam with the opportunity to be a father. Which would be the best gift that I could give him."
Luis studies me cautiously. His expression is blank.
Damn, I'm beginning to care about what he thinks. This is not how the afternoon was supposed to go!
We should be screwing on every surface of the place right now. I am sitting before him naked right in front of him and he has this expression as if he is about to run away in fear.
Didn't he just tell me before that he has trouble resisting me? Say something, Luis! I want to shake him right now!
"So you could be a mother to Adam's baby? Nicky, you would be a mother, is that what you really want?" he asks me. His tone is serious. Is he mad? I can't tell.
I consider what he is asking me. I only just lost my mother a few months back. I have spent so much of my life fighting the stereotypes that are put on women. That we are expected to be nothing but devoted housewives and mothers.
Sure, this isn't the fifties... Women can be whatever they want! I know that!
But is this what I want? I mean, I'll be thirty-one in only a few short months. I am getting my life on track! Having a baby will change that!
I look around the apartment and then I realize it.
Yeah, I do want to be a mom. But at the same time, I still want every other thing that I have been striving for!
If I want something enough, surely there's nothing stopping me from obtaining it. I just have to work harder! Women can have it all! Just as men can!
I look back up at Luis. This is my decision, Not his.
If I choose to do this with Adam, my life would be anything but traditional. But then, it's never been traditional anyway.
"Yes, Luis. I want to do it. But, I also like you. Probably more than I should. So, if this is a deal breaker, I'm sorry. But, I'm going to have to do this." I realize that there are tears on my face.
Chapter Twenty-One: Lady Luck
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