Supine 'til Aurora • Dan Howell

• Chapter 9 •

That night, I slipped into bed early, feeling myself drift off.

• 12 Years ago •

I sat on my bed, in the same spot I had been for the last 20 minutes, waiting to see the strip of light beneath my bedroom door shut off, and the last click of my father's door close. Time slipped away quickly, as I sat lapsed in the dark, thinking of all the time I was going to have this evening.

As the grandfather clock at the end of the hall chimed midnight, I heard my father's door shut, and the bolt on the door slide across. He was going to be in there all night now.

Without any hesitation, and with no sound, I dragged my feet off my bed and scooped up my 2 astronomy books I'd rented from the school library, and slid them into my navy backpack. Slinging it over my shoulders, I pried my bedroom window up, propping it open with yet another book from the library.
My legs were out the window first, then my torso, and then my head.

Balancing myself on the thick window ledge, I stepped up onto the wooden beam jutting out from the wall, and pulled myself up onto the roof.

Thankfully, the night was clear, and the air was cool. Everything about sitting up here made me feel relaxed and free, it took away all the stress of my mother in hospital and my brother having moved out.

Some people deal with stress by reading or writing or painting or exercise, but I was never quenched that way. My mind craved something more. I needed to be elapsed and engulfed totally in the night sky, to study and to learn through my own watching and experiencing. No amount of reading or running could ever give me the same satisfaction as the stars could.

Sitting there for hours, comparing the stars on the pages in the book on my lap to the stars above me, lead me to finding my favourite constellation: Cygnus. It was the first constellation I was ever able to find, and ever since then I'd loved it.

Despite the cold night air, I would sit there for hours on end, not caring about school the next day or about what would happen if my dad caught me casually sitting on the roof of our little rundown house. My mind was totally occupied with the beauty of the sky.

At the end of the evening, as the sun would begin to rise, the sky doused in pinks and reds, I'd shimmy my way down the roof and back into my room, shutting the window and hopping back into bed, my mind distracted from any problems I faced.

• Present Day •

I sat bolt upright, beads of sweat trickling down my forehead and the back of my neck, my muscles sore and my heart beating up into my throat, pulsing quicker than it should be.

Sighing slightly at the relief of the dream ending, I reached over and turned my phone on, squinting at the bright, blue light; it was 3:02 am.

Rubbing my eyes, I swung my legs off my bed, suddenly wide awake and needing to occupy my mind. The dream about stargazing had left me feeling inspired, though still shaken from the apparent recollection of 15 year old me.

Suddenly, I realised I hadn't gone out with my camera for a while, and with my Saturday being free, I decided I wanted to take some now.

It was late enough into the winter now that it stayed dark longer, and 3 am would clearly be the prime time for some snowy night photos.

After getting dressed, in the warmest clothing possible, I headed out into the small lounge and turned into the kitchen, pouring myself some water to wake my muscles up a bit.