Mr Kingston's Roommate | ꪜ

Mr Kingston's Roommate|30

Leila's POV
Back to normal

I couldn't stay here, knowing that there were things in my life that I needed to set straight if I ever wanted to move on with a rational mind. If I ever wanted to heal without the help of counselling and medication, I needed to patch the wounds dug into my skin another way; by confronting the problem head-on.

Over the past few nights, I've been riddled with nightmares. I've woken up to cold sweats, hyperventilating to the point where I feared I'd pass out, only to look towards Blake's bed for some sort of comfort, but then realizing that he wasn't here and he might not come back anytime soon.

I couldn't stay here any longer, it was tormenting me; the defining silence, the pretense of being my happiest, especially around Peter knowing now that Blake really is the only person for me. I couldn't keep this facade up for too long or I'll combust.

I need to rid myself of everything holding me back, even if it means having to see my father face to face, battling my demons myself.

If I ever wanted to move on, if I wanted the nightmares to stop without having to seek Blake's comfort in order for them to subside; I needed to heal in ways I feared the most. And even though this may give a severe blow to my academic record and may set me back permanently, I'm willing to take the risk.

I folded the last article of clothing and placed it over the pile on my suitcase. When I was sure I had everything packed up, I zipped my suitcase shut and placed it beside the door for when I'm ready to leave.

I was going back home, on a mental health leave of absence. I may have to re-enroll in fall classes, or they might have leniency on me and allow me to finish my courses till the end of the semester while visiting. I'm not sure how it works, but I was going to do it and no one could stop me.

I leaned against the wall, my eyes scanning over the room, unsure if this may be the last time I might see it, seeing as if they take my leave of absence more seriously than I intend to, I might lose my spot in this dorm.

Was that a risk I was willing to take? Yes, because my mental health is on the line.

With a sigh, I unlocked the door and slipped out, my school bag in hand, my mind racing with thoughts as I made my way to my first and probably last class for this semester. And unfortunately, Blake wasn't going to be in that class.

"Hey!" Sam exclaimed when I finally made it to class. I smiled and lowered myself down beside her, not finding the energy in me to speak since my mind was riddled with thoughts swirling around as if it were a textbook.

"Are you okay?" Midge asked, her eyes assessing me slowly. I nodded my head and waved them off, "I'm okay, I'll be fine." I responded softly, my eyes trained on the lectern where Blake once stood, that idiotic smirk plastered on his face as he taunted me with his gaze.

Now it was replaced by a substitute who didn't bring life back to this class. And even though Blake has only been gone for a week, it felt longer.

~~~

Strutting down the hallway towards the dean's office, I went through the pros and cons of going back to my hometown. First con; my father might not be welcoming. I expected this to happen, I haven't been his favourite person ever since mom left and vice versa, so my welcoming may be a door in my face.

Second con; I might be reopening old wounds. I know going back is to close the ones that are already there, but those I took four years to get over might reopen and I've dedicated many sleepless nights and cries of terror to go back to square one.