I̶n̶f̶a̶t̶u̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n

Chapter 10

            The days following Vince and I's break up were excruciating, so much so that I didn't think that things could get any worse. And then I went to school on Monday. Vince glared at me every chance he got, leaving an empty feeling in my heart every time he did. I could see people whispering in the hallways, pointing at me and giving me these strange looks that were a mix of pity and astoundment. There was gossip going around the school, and I was the topic of conversation. I asked Shawn what all of the buzz was about, knowing I wouldn't like it. My stomach had that weird feeling that you get when you're on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off. It did flips and leaps and made me feel as if I was going to be sick. When he told me, he had a look of deep remorse and it made the sick feeling in my gut expand until it covered my whole body and I fought to stay on my feet, afraid I would drop right there.

"Vince has been telling people that you slept with him when you two were together," he had said and my first thought was of a mirror. Do you know what a mirror looks like when it's hit with something-- say, a rock? That's how my mind felt at that exact moment. Shattering into millions of fragments, spraying out all around in a million different places. Irreplaceable and irreversible. I felt my soul explode on the dirty white floor of the east-wing hallway. My breath was rapid--as if there was suddenly no oxygen in the room. My eyes grew wide and I felt as if I was going to be sick, bile rising in my throat. My eyes stung with tears and I swayed on my feet, the room spinning in circles around me. My head pulsated angrily and I ran. The only thing I could hear was Vince's voice swarming inside my head and my feet pounding on the floor.

When I reached the bathroom I ran into the biggest stall and shut the door, not bothering to lock it behind me. I leaned over the white rim and threw up. The heat carried the smell to my nose and it hung heavy in the air, making me gag again. I felt a warm, rough hand on my shoulder and looked out of the corner of my eye to see that it was Shawn who was there beside me. He scooped my hair in his hand and held it as I threw up again and then began to cry.

"Please t-take me home," I managed to say between sobs.

"I think it'd be better for me to take you to my house," he replied, his voice kind. It soothed me and I relaxed, wiping my mouth with some toilet paper. I nodded and I walked on shaky legs as he led me out of the bathroom and towards the door. I felt bad about leaving school early again. I'd been missing too many classes, but I couldn't stay there any longer. I couldn't take it.

I was lost in my thoughts when Evan rounded the corner and didn't pay much attention to the fact that he was coming toward us. When he grabbed me roughly by the shoulders I snapped my head up to look at him, as I had only just realized what was going on.

"Is it true?" he asked me, shaking my lightly as he talked. His voice was raucous and it made me flinch. Fresh tears welled in my eyes as Shawn stepped between us.

"Don't touch her, Chandler," he said, eyes blazing. "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know her and you have no right to ask her that kind of question."

"Fuck off Shawn, I have every right." They were locked in each other's gazes, having a battle to the death with their eyes.

Turning to me, Shawn's eyes changed from harsh understanding as he said, "Let's go, Chanse."

I nodded and walked past Evan, tears trickling down my cheek, leaving hot stains that tissues couldn't erase. Before we reached the door I heard Evan's voice call out from behind me.

"You're not who I thought you were, Chanse. Don't screw with me again."

His words were like a knife piercing my heart and I broke. I stopped where I was, less than a foot away from the door. Tears streamed down my cheeks and my body trembled. I felt my knees buckling and Shawn put his arm around my waist to keep me upright. He led me out into the parking lot, the sun making the tears burn on my skin as they fell. As soon as I was inside the car, I collapsed on Shawn's shoulder as he drove away from the school. I never wanted to go back.