College Students

❥ Chapter 39.

If I don't pass this year I'm stuck, I need to pass I can't be stuck at college for another year. I'm 18, I wanted to leave last year and apply for flying academy but I couldn't.

Andrew always wanted to be a pilot, he dreamed of it and whenever we went on holiday he always asked the flight hostess if he could go to the pilots cabin.

If it wasn't for me Andrew would still be alive so I want to fulfil everything he wanted. I owe him that. If I could fly a plane I'd be up there with him, in the clouds with the stars.

I need to pass this year so I can apply for the academy. "Thank you" Darcy smiles sweetly at me when I've finished, I nod and take a step outside.

I ruffle through my pocket and pull out my pack of cigarettes. I don't smoke often, not around people anyways. I just smoke when I'm stressed out normally.

"Issac?" Darcy makes me jump as I quickly rip the cigarette from my mouth, hiding it to my side. "Are you smoking?" She raises her eyebrows, coming towards me.

"I haven't seen you smoke in ages, I thought you'd stopped" She frowns, tucking hair behind her ear. An electric feeling erupts through my arm and I realise she's taken my hand.

"I know, I only have one occasionally" I shrug, trying to make it sound like no big deal, but she isn't buying it. "I came out here to see if you're okay" Her little hand squeezes mine.

"I'm fine" I avoid her eye, she knows me just as much as I know her.

"Issac, you can tell me whatever is going on" She places her other hand on my upper arm and I feel like my arm is on fire, giving me goosebumps.

"It's nothing" I shrug again, embarrassed. What if she thinks I'm stupid or no good? Not being able to pass a flimsy I.T course and now an art course. I look away ashamed.

"Issac I tell you all my problems, I open up to you. We're in a relationship, you can talk to me" I can't look at her face, whenever she frowns my heart aches.

I don't say anything, kicking pedals with my feet I hear her softly sigh. "Fine don't tell me then. I just thought relationships were all about communication, being able to talk to one another about something that upset us" She drops my hand, leaving my body cold. I watch her walk back inside.

I put the cigarette back in my mouth taking it back sharply. I lean my head back against the wall, screwing my eyelids shut. Why couldn't I just tell her? She tells me everything.

I huff grabbing my football and bluntly texting Eric.

I get in my car throwing the ball in the back and starting the engine. I've been a bit on edge lately, a build up of emotions. It's nearly Andrews anniversary of death and every year I go off the rails.

Last year I got so drunk I ended up in hospital, I wish he was still here to tell me how to deal with it. It's not like I want to forget I just want to be less angry at myself for what happened, it was all my fault and if I hadn't of met up with my stupid friends, he'd still be here playing football with me instead of Eric.

I park my car staring at the empty field for a while, whenever Darcy is upset or panicking she does these breathing exercises.

Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6.

It's kinda helping but not majorly, maybe kicking a ball will help. I get out the car slamming the door and making my way over to Eric, who has just arrived himself.