College Students

❥ Chapter 10.

In this chapter you'll get to know Darcy a little better (:

❥

I get back home, lie on my bed, I wish I could just stay here forever, I'm safe here no one can hurt me.

I've been told I have bipolar through assessments and councillors, I can go weeks feeling like everything is good in the world, that no one can bring me down or destroy me, then it'll come crashing down and for weeks I won't want to carry on. I've attempted to commit a few times, I couldn't even do that right.

You can't do anything right.

I shake my head, I attempted years ago when dad left and a few years before that, all overdose. I've been told I suffer from depression but really I don't know what goes on in my head, I just want it to stop.

I didn't wanna go to this barbecue but Amelia was nice enough to ask me but I feel like Issac forced her too, it was making me feel sick even thinking about going, I just want to stay here I don't wanna be around people I don't know in a big crowd.

I sigh and close my eyes and start to meditate, it helps me relax and just forget for a few minutes while I drift off.

At least I'll have Ellie at the barbecue with Yasmine and Amelia, Amelia's so sweet and kind she reminds me of a baby dear in a way.

"Darc?" Ezra gently knocks on the door, "Wanna come downstairs? We ordered pizza" He remains quiet and gentle, I sit up shaking my head.

"C'mon, Darc please? It's just the four of us, we're watching a movie" He smiles walking more into my bedroom, I don't really like many people in my bedroom, this is my safe place only people who I trust can come in here.

"Okay" I mumble I don't want to but it's only Joseph and mom, plus I can see Ezra wants me to join.

I go downstairs and sit in the corner chair cuddling up, "That's my chair" Joseph says harshly looking down at me, "Oh sorry, I didn't know" I mumble about to get up but mom stops me, "Joe let her sit there just for now, she doesn't join us often" She frowns.

"That's a good thing" He rolls his eyes, "But whatever Darcy wants Darcy gets" He mumbles under his breath sitting in another chair.

We watch one of mom's favourite movies and I start to enjoy myself eating pizza and laughing, I feel like I haven't laughed in ages, not this hard even Joseph was having fun which was surprising even since dad left he's been very distant, with me anyways.

After the movie ends I trot myself up to bed, I wash my face, I can't stand washing my face some days having to look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I can compliment myself, some days I point out every bad feature on my face - my eyes, my cheekbones my nonexistent jawline, my nose, lips, forehead everything, it's like nothing fits.

I splash water on my face and start to cleanse, I scrub away at it until I can feel the burn, I deserve pain, I scrub and scrub and run the hot water until I can see the steam rising from it, I splash it all onto my face, I scream at the pipping hot water on my face.

I carry on, splash after splash until I'm a mess, I slide down the side tears rushing out of my face, my skin is red raw but I deserve it, I deserve pain even the tears hurt when they slide down my face.

Why do I always feel like this? Destroyed, I've had a good night, at college I put a face on, a smile is so simple for me to smack onto my face and tell everyone I'm okay, at home it's just the same I can convince everyone apart from Ezra that I'm okay, that I'm not mentally destroyed.