The Things I Leave Unsaid

46. Dream It Away(Even Though Its Wrong)

I mutter hopelessly to myself

As my throat begins to feel thick.

And I know it's so wrong,

but I just can't help

acting like this righteous dick.

My head hurts like a son of a bitch and

I hate how I get emotional like this.

But I just can't stop,

Just wanna stop feeling like this.

So I try and I try but nothing changes,

The world's always the same.

I wanna stop pretending

But I'm just a pawn in the game.

So I push it all back,

until nothings left and

I've lost everything I once knew.

And everyone's gone

but somehow nothing's changed.

In my mind, still got so much to lose.

Reality, it's you I refuse.

I don't like ever feeling like this

but there's never really a choice.

Sometimes I forget who I'm s'posed to be;

I never really had a voice.

Silence is my only friend

And as humans, we pretend,

Life is just an enormous test;

it's purpose to see who's really best.

But if I'm honest for this one time

With you and them and myself.

I know the best just isn't me;

Not me or anyone else.

I'm never gonna be a role model

And never gonna reach the bar.

I'll probably never find

my purpose in life,

And I know I'll never reach the stars.

But still I know that I will try

If only just in my useless mind.

And that is such a disturbing thing.

For hope is dangerous, if it clings.

Reality discomforts me,

shows me all that I could find.

All the ways, I could be sweet,

How if I just used my mind,

I could possibly be great.

Filled with love

Released from hate.

If I got up and worked for it,

But I just know I won't.

I could be all those wonderful things

If I took it day by day.

But instead I know I'll just lay here

And dream it all away.

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Hey my friends and fellow poets and poem-readers(:

I started writing my author's note but got carried away and now I'm just making it another chapter instead called Do You Love Yourself? It was way too long. But important, so read it, I'll publish it in a sec. I tossed my heart and mind and soul into it.

So as usual,
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~Dustin the Great