Trampoline

Trampoline - Chapter Seven : I Don't Want To Know

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TRAMPOLINE

CHAPTER SEVEN: I Don’t Want To Know

Tears stream down my face as I sprint down the corridor and away from the English classroom. My footsteps echo down the empty corridor, letting me know just how much alone I am right now – though right now I don’t mind being alone at all. I crave solitude. I need to be by myself to process the emotions which are ricocheting round my brain and overwhelming me entirely.

How could he say that? I keep on asking myself. Why?

I’m still denying it. I’m trying to find another explanation for Dray’s speech because the alternative will change everything.

He can’t be Drake.

But it makes perfect sense, when I think about it. Dray is the least creative nickname for Drake that you could ever think of. It’s blindingly obvious to anyone who ever thinks about it what his full name is, though I’d just assumed that it had been his real name and that it’s similarity was just a mere coincidence. And those eyes – those beautiful, startling, electric blue eyes – that resemble Drake’s so much. His hair colour is the only thing that essentially differentiates his looks from those of my childhood best friend’s – and haven’t I seen streaks of ash blonde on the underside of his hair where the blue dye hadn’t gone? 

It has to be him, no matter how much I wish it not to be.

I halt at the doors that lead out of the school, laughing shakily at the irony of it all. I sound deranged. Just a week ago I would’ve given anything to have Drake back, and now that he’s here all I want is for him to go. It’s one thing to wish for something, but something completely different to actually get it. I’ve never realised that despite all of the crying and hoping, I’d actually accepted he’d never come back. Now that he has actually returned I feel blindsided.

Still laughing, I swing the door open and stumble outside. I don’t feel right – my head is spinning and my stomach is churning as if I’m about to be sick, and all the while I’m bending down with unhinged laughter and tears making pathways down my face. I can’t even breathe properly. If anyone could see me right now, they would think I was insane.

After skirting round a PE class that’s going on, I sit down at the bottom of the school field. I’m under the shade of a withering, old tree. I skirt round to the side so that I’m partially hidden from the class and anyone inside the school that might be looking out a window. As I look up at the tree, I wonder if it’s a beech or an oak and another note of hysterical laughter bubbles up inside me.

I don’t know how long I sit under the tree, tears streaming down my face and eyes squeezed tightly shut, but it can’t be more than ten minutes because the PE class is still there when Dray sits down next to me. I open my eyes and look over at him. He’s staring right at me, a look of concern clouding his electric blue eyes. My hand instantly shoots up to my face to try and hide the tears from him, but I know it’s no use – my eyes must be bright red and my cheeks glistening.

He drops my satchel beside me on the grass. I’d forgotten that I’d left that in class. I’m relieved that I don’t have to go back in there later to fetch it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I say quietly.

“I thought you’d have guessed by now,” he replies, his voice as soft as mine.

There’s a good few feet between us which, despite my conflicted emotions, I want to cross. I need a hug from my old best friend, no matter how much he’s screwed up. I wonder if he wants to too, but I can’t afford to entertain that notion for long because even thinking about hugging Dray makes me confused.