Chapter 11
Still John’s POV.
I bit the skin of my thumb until it bled. I glanced around the room. Ringo was passed out lying on two chairs across from me, his chest rose up and down slowly with his breathing, he was snoring peacefully. George was beside me, his head leaning on my shoulder, his noise twitched and he pushed something away from in front of him, he was dreaming. Paul and I didn’t sleep at all that night. He sat crossed legged on the ground, drawing on the floor with his finger, huming softly to himself. The sun slowly rose and shone in the window, creating a warm glow across the room.
A nurse walked in carrying coffees. She said nothing just placed the coffees on the table and left. I got up and paced the room, eager to see Millie. I didn’t know where she was and I hadn’t seen her since last night. My stomach twisted as I thought about last night. I had to find her.
I left the room and walked up to a desk with a dark haired women sitting behind it. “Do you know which room Millie Sanders is in?” I asked weakly. She nodded and gave me directions to the room. I arrived outside her door and knocked faintly, there was no reply from within. So, I slowly turned the handle and peaked my head in the door. Millie sat in a bed, her knees tucked under her chin, staring into space. She didn’t look up as I entered.
“Hello, love” I said, sitting in an empty chair next to her bed. She turned her head and stared at me. Black bags hung under her eyes, they had lost their spark and looked as if she hadn’t slept in months, her hair stuck up in places, and her lips were cracked, from being bitten. Millie said nothing, just starred right at me. How could someone I loved and know so well make me feel so uncomfortable? I shifted in my chair, uneasily. She was blaming this on me. And she had every right to.
She finally spoke after a long, long time. “John, this is my fault” she pulled her knees closer in around her, hugging them.
“No, no it’s not. You can’t blame yourself for this, please don’t do that to yourself.” I pleaded, taking her hand.
She shook her head. “I…I…w-went to kiss Paul and if I hadn’t none of this would of happened.” She whispered, shutting her eyes. I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my tears. I couldn’t tell if they were tears of anger or sadness that I had driven her away enough to want to kiss Paul or the fact she was blaming herself. “I’m so sorry John” she sobbed, dropping my hand. I got up and sat on the edge of her bed, wrapping my arm around her. She leaned her head on my chest. I cupped her face in my free hand, tracing my finger lightly over her scar on her forehead, telling her everything was going to be ok. I eventually fell asleep.
When I woke, Paul, George, and Ringo surrounded the bed all sitting on various chairs around the room.
“We have to go home Johnny” Ringo said, prodding my shoulder.
“What about Millie?” I whispered, she was asleep on my chest, breathing lightly, she looked peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb her or leave her alone for that matter.
“She has to stay in until tonight, just to be checked over and stuff” George spoke this time. I nodded and gently lifted Millie’s head off my chest and laid if softly back on the pillow behind us. I kissed her cheek, being careful not to hurt her bruised face. I glanced back at her as I left the room, her mouth was slightly open, her head tilted to one side, she looked so innocent and young. I sighed and eventually closed the door behind me. We all left the hospital and began to make our way home.
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When we arrived back at the apartment, each of the boys hugged me tightly, telling me they were here fro me if I needed to talk, making me feel happier. But I wanted to be alone. They finally let me be alone for awhile in my own apartment. I said goodbye and opened the door and stepped inside. Millie’s heart-shaped necklace lay on the coffee table, beside the ring I had planned to ask her to marry me with when the baby arrived. I shut my eyes and pulled my fingers through my hair in desperation. I picked up the nearest thing to me and flung it at the wall, sending it crashing to the floor. I rested my head on the mantelpiece and breathed deeply trying to calm myself. Rage, anger and sadness raced through my veins, making me feel hot and making my hands shake. I swung my arms, knocking everything off the shelf, sending books and pictures flying and crashing to the ground. I kicked and punched the wall as hard as I could, screaming and swearing out loud. I headed toward our bedroom door. I flung it open and the wooden cot in the corner of the room caught my eye. I raced over to it, shoving it up against the wall; I kicked it and hit it, tearing it apart until it lay in several pieces on the floor. I slumped on the floor out of breath and buried my face in my hands. I cried and cried until there were no tears left within me.
I sat there until it was dark. I heard the door open and Millie’s footsteps cross the room. She gasped slightly obviously noticing the state I’d left the place in. I heard her sweeping up glass and stacking books back onto shelves, trying to make the place decent. She walked into the bedroom, and sat on the bed on the opposite side to where I was. I stood up slowly and walked around to her. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her forehead for what seemed forever. Millie didn’t respond in anyway, she just sat and stared straight ahead, her eyes glassy. I eventually pulled away and she climbed into bed, still fully dressed, leaving me alone, feeling helpless.
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Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and eventually weeks turned into months. It was June again. The weather was changing for the better, but Millie wasn’t. She wouldn’t eat, she wouldn’t sleep, and she wouldn’t leave home. The thing that hurt me the most was that she couldn’t even look at me. She shuddered and almost gagged every time I touched her. I couldn’t even hold her hand or comfort her. I was only trying to help her through this.
It was this time last year when I first met her. The fiery, fun-loving, flirtatious girl who lived next door. Now she was just an empty shell, a hollow soul with no life in her at all. It was all getting too much for me to bear, watching her slowly wither away and I could do nothing to stop her. I finally decided I’d have to do something about it, and today was that day.
